I can't let go of the negative feelings that I am no longer good enough for him. There is still a lot of hurt I am processing.
Keep working on letting go of the hurt and forgiving him and yourself. Stay in the present moment, observe your thoughts and feelings as they come up, allow them to be and then release them. You will have to do this for awhile, but eventually you will notice you can let go of the hurt.
so I know I'm still not ready to see him if I am so focussed on the outcome or worried I will become upset. That is exactly true. You have good insight.
How to get to that point of being ok no matter what. Whether I should see him or not, or keep no contact because he made his choice. If you keep following the steps that I mentioned earlier and that Viking also wrote about, you will get a point where you feel you don't have a "need" for him in order for you to be happy. That is the key. When you have enough love for yourself that you know even if you never get another relationship again, you can still be happy. At that point, you can decide for yourself whether you actually want to try to get back with him or not. It will come from a place of fullness inside of you, instead of "longing" to fill an empty hole.