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Originally Posted by drakecatz  Hi Magenta,..Wow there is a lot going on in his life. It's interesting his youngest is 17 and close to leaving the nest. Count your blessing there.
I know of one other couple who has stayed married and have been separated for 25 yr's. I don't understand it at all. There are so many ties unbroken. How can either party find someone new to love and move on with their lives when they are still married to eachother? No one wants to date a married person. I just don't get it. |
I guess they think that since they're apart, there's no difference, it's just a formality to them...but really, we know it's not. Of course there is the financial aspect, but most people have no idea that their whole demeanor would change if the marriage was officially ended. Oh well.
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The couple I mentioned are still very much in eachothers life as well. That also seems to be the pattern. I wonder how couples like this react when there finally is someone else in the picture. Has your guy or his wife dated others during all these years of separation?
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I don't know. I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he said no. I didn't ask if he had ever seen anyone while he was separated. I get the feeling he hasn't...at least not anyone seriously. As for her, I don't know. Again, I get the feeling of no.
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From what you have said, it is clear he is afraid she will take him to the cleaners if there is a divorce. She also seem very dependant on him. She works for him, has no career of her own, he's involved with her health issues, etc..
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Actually, she had been a nurse. I don't know for how long she's been out of that field. I know he said she never wanted to work at the restaurant and that used to make him mad, as he was trying very hard to make a good living for the family. He gave her a good life (he said to me) and he always felt she didn't appreciate what he did for the family. He met her when she was on welfare and had a 1 year old daughter, whom he adopted. So he saved her from maybe having a hard life. He feels very unappreciated.
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I believe in destiny too. It seems possible that the universe might have other plans for his wife..... (Sorry, had to say it.)
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That same thought came into my head, too, but I really hope she comes out of this relatively healthy. I mean, that would hurt those kids terribly. Whether he wants to admit it or not, it would hurt him too.
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I have to wonder if she would be open to him having someone to love?
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I have no idea. But I can't help but think that if she knew me, and knew that her time here was limited, she could know that I would support him doing anything for those kids. He has a son from someone else in my state, that he had me meet when he was here. His wife never wanted him to see the boy, as she said he "didn't raise him so he's really not your son". He has had to sneak to see the son. That's horribly selfish. No matter what the circumstances, that little boy didn't ask to be born and he deserves to know his father. I get the feeling that the wife is the jealous type. But then again, if he cheated on her when they were dating and got this other woman pregnant, I guess I could understand her feelings a little bit. But to not allow him to see the son? That's just wrong.
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Clearly it is not a time for visits or actions. I would suggest enjoying your phone visits, and when you have questions ask them so you can relieve the what if's.
Your b-day gift sounds beautiful. I'll check out the web-site.
Keep posting. I think there is a lot that will unfold here.
No I am not with the love of my life. That's another story.
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He's got a lot on his plate right now, but I know that at the very worst, we'll always be friends. Of course, I want more than that at this point, but I will put out the good thoughts and vibrations and the Universe will respond.
Aww..you're not with that person? I'm all ears if ya wanna talk about it.
Talk soon,
Magenta