Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Long Distance Relationship issues and loonnng story

magenta · 06-03-2009, 04:41 PM

My heart has always been something I was taught NOT to follow. I'm supposed to use my head...and that's where I think (since reading a lot about Quantum Physics, Law of Attractions, The Power of Now, etc.) I've gone wrong all these years.

After my parents made us break up, I dated another guy for about 4 months, and again, I thought maybe this could be "the one". Now, don't forget, I was only 17 when this all happened.

After the 2nd guy broke up with me, I was devastated and vowed to God Almighty that I would NEVER EVER love any man ever again. It was too hurtful when it didn't work out. BUT, the first guy was always in my heart. Geeze, for 34 years he was there in my heart! And I have never EVER loved another man. I'm serious. My first marriage was when I was 19, that lasted for almost 10 years. No love involved. Friendship and partying? Yup. But *I* was in control. If I wasn't vulnerable, then nobody could hurt me, right?

Then, I divorced him because he wouldn't stop partying, and to me, it wasn't fun anymore.

I then lived with the next guy off and on for 7 years. THAT was a disaster.

After that, I met a guy online (before it was trendy!) and moved halfway across the US to meet him. No attraction, but he was kind, he was nice and he was SAFE. He kept me safe for 15 years. Now I've come to the conclusion that SAFE isn't what I was meant to be. I'm 52 and I don't want to waste whatever time I have left. I want someone to love me. I want to love someone back. I want someone who "gets me", ya know?

And here comes the first guy I ever loved back again.

Are you starting to see what I see?

Foolish? Yup, I think that too. Am I? But so what, right? We really shouldn't care if we look foolish. We shouldn't be worrying about what other people think. They don't know our hearts like we do, right? If our hearts are telling us to do something, then maybe we oughta listen. Even if our actions don't turn out like we'd like them to, I'm sure there's a deeper reason for it. I don't think our hearts would lie to us. But our minds (ego) will.

Irrational? Nah. Obsessive? Maybe!

06-03-2009, 04:41 PM	#9 (permalink)
magenta Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Eastern PA Posts: 38	My heart has always been something I was taught NOT to follow. I'm supposed to use my head...and that's where I think (since reading a lot about Quantum Physics, Law of Attractions, The Power of Now, etc.) I've gone wrong all these years. After my parents made us break up, I dated another guy for about 4 months, and again, I thought maybe this could be "the one". Now, don't forget, I was only 17 when this all happened. After the 2nd guy broke up with me, I was devastated and vowed to God Almighty that I would NEVER EVER love any man ever again. It was too hurtful when it didn't work out. BUT, the first guy was always in my heart. Geeze, for 34 years he was there in my heart! And I have never EVER loved another man. I'm serious. My first marriage was when I was 19, that lasted for almost 10 years. No love involved. Friendship and partying? Yup. But I was in control. If I wasn't vulnerable, then nobody could hurt me, right? Then, I divorced him because he wouldn't stop partying, and to me, it wasn't fun anymore. I then lived with the next guy off and on for 7 years. THAT was a disaster. After that, I met a guy online (before it was trendy!) and moved halfway across the US to meet him. No attraction, but he was kind, he was nice and he was SAFE. He kept me safe for 15 years. Now I've come to the conclusion that SAFE isn't what I was meant to be. I'm 52 and I don't want to waste whatever time I have left. I want someone to love me. I want to love someone back. I want someone who "gets me", ya know? And here comes the first guy I ever loved back again. Are you starting to see what I see? Foolish? Yup, I think that too. Am I? But so what, right? We really shouldn't care if we look foolish. We shouldn't be worrying about what other people think. They don't know our hearts like we do, right? If our hearts are telling us to do something, then maybe we oughta listen. Even if our actions don't turn out like we'd like them to, I'm sure there's a deeper reason for it. I don't think our hearts would lie to us. But our minds (ego) will. Irrational? Nah. Obsessive? Maybe!