[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Dating Specialist

It's just a matter of lifestyle. At first I thought it is something more complicated than this, like you did her a major disservice and you need to use your whole life to make it up (ok, I'm kidding, sorry! )

But the problem comes when you fear that such a person may never appear in your life if you do leave her, right?

Yeah, lifestyle keeps running the show but also some sort of behaviour hook - like don't want her to feel bad so don't leave or she doesnt' think I'd be ok alone.

So if there is someone now who has appeared in your life right now, how would that make your decision to leave or stay easier?

Pls answer this question truthfully.

I'm not sure I can fit the condition to my situation. I mean that's a big "if" since I don't meet women enough on my own because of still being in this relationship in some manner. Or that's to say, if someone came my way that I fancied, I wouldn't know that it could work without going out with her but I wouldn't do that while I'm in this current thing.

If you're hanging on to a relationship because you're worried you won't find someone else, then you're only in it for the companionship - which is the reason you're stuck with her anyway.

Is this the right reason to be in a relationship? Is there love?

Is this reason strong enough to make all this worth it? If it is, then why this post?

Love, hmmm... maybe strong like on my side. For easy hanging out times, some travel but I've resisted big travel. So yeah, for the companionship I'm stuck and is it worth it? It feels like a trade off. Like, ok, even though it's not a nice juicy love thing, at least we get to do things. Is it more good than bad? Sort of. I mean it's not all that bad. It just seems like there could be a lot more good that isn't here.

Could she be kind of "protecting" you, knowing you probably don't like to talk that much, and probably cos she's older than you?

yeah we've talked about it, interesting take the protection, thanks.

If her presence is making you uneasy and not being yourself, are you giving away your power too much to her for allowing you to feel and behave that way? How can you behave like yourself even when she's around? Have you thought of what can be done?

Yeah, it's somewhat true that I'm not quite myself as well when with her. I tend to go with her agenda which happens to mesh with mine somewhat but otherwise I'm not exactly going about my bussiness (which could be to include her).

I guess at the end of the day, whether or not you stay in a relationship that is giving you so many question marks depends on which is more important.

Are you saying it can depend on which question is more important? Not sure I get this part.

And how does she feels towards you btw? Now that you don't enjoy kissing, how about her? Women usually will be able to sense their men withdrawing during intimacy, so didn't she say anything about this?

She says the sex is ok for her, but not great. She says she thinks I'm really special for her etc. It's kind of strange that she goes along with the way it is, as is she's thinking it will turn around some day. If she wasn't trying we probably wouldn't have anything.