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Originally Posted by wolfgang  We're stuck since neither of us has had the courage to completly call it off. We've built up some life style that we both like, the activities and commonalities of ideas/thoughts that we enjoy and that keeps us giong to some extent, the stuckness. And I have the feeling of doing the right thing around her, to not rock her boat more while she has life things so I don't change much as far as going in the direction of leaving her. |
Anyone who has been with someone for a certain period of time will have things in common. You do things together, you share the same bed etc. Otherwise you wouldn't have stuck with each other, right?
So this is normal. It's about starting with someone else and you'll build up that familiarity and new memories in no time and there you go - you're stuck with a new person!
It's just a matter of lifestyle. At first I thought it is something more complicated than this, like you did her a major disservice and you need to use your whole life to make it up (ok, I'm kidding, sorry!
)
But the problem comes when you fear that such a person may never appear in your life if you do leave her, right?
That brings us to the next thing...
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Originally Posted by wolfgang To not be with her I have the fears of not finding someone, so then maybe now is as good as it gets and I should just face it and make it better. Or that I won't like being alone to my detrement - althought mostly I imagine being even more involved with what I enjoy if I was alone. Sometimes I look ahead and don't have worries - that women do smile at me so there are other's out there and I'd do even more healthy things on my own, work out more regularly. |
So if there is someone now who has appeared in your life right now, how would that make your decision to leave or stay easier?
Pls answer this question truthfully.
If you're hanging on to a relationship because you're worried you won't find someone else, then you're only in it for the companionship - which is the reason you're stuck with her anyway.
Is this the right reason to be in a relationship? Is there love?
Is this reason strong enough to make all this worth it? If it is, then why this post?
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Originally Posted by wolfgang Boy, staying together. I'd like to feel attracted to her more, she's a beauty (for her age and all, but...). I'd like to want to have sex with her. She is wanting it, instagates it mostly, and says she's attracted to me fine. I don't tell her I'm not attracted (trying to be kind?) but the intamacy is strained and I'm remote, don't enjoy kissing her.
Somehow I don't like too much being around other people with her. I've not gone to parties because of that. I've excluded her in cases too. So I'd like to have it so I'm comfortable having her around socially and feel joyful about inviting her along.
And it's not just becuase I wonder what people think to see the age diff, there's something about her steam rollering conversations or like she'll stand infront of me if there's a circle of people so effectively blocking my position (I'll move over and she will again, weird). Although I'm a quiet guy anyway and sometimes I didn't feel like talking and she can do all the talking she wants without me feeling closed out.
I'm not quite myself with her and being around others. Although I've been getting better that this, just not too easy to maintain who I am around her. I find it much easier to talk with others on my own. So I'd like to be myself even if she's around. It's not too big an issue, this one. More like a sutble feeling.
I want to feel that I want to stay with her and grow old together and then put a ring on her finger. |
Have you told her how "small" it makes you feel when she does that each time in a group setting? (Standing in front of you I mean) Is she still insistent on doing that?
Could she be kind of "protecting" you, knowing you probably don't like to talk that much, and probably cos she's older than you?
If her presence is making you uneasy and not being yourself, are you giving away your power too much to her for allowing you to feel and behave that way? How can you behave like yourself even when she's around? Have you thought of what can be done?
I guess at the end of the day, whether or not you stay in a relationship that is giving you so many question marks depends on which is more important.
And how does she feels towards you btw? Now that you don't enjoy kissing, how about her? Women usually will be able to sense their men withdrawing during intimacy, so didn't she say anything about this?