VetTechJess,
I applaud you in standing up for yourself and asserting yourself. I'm glad you are working through your relationships and creating boundaries for yourself.
The technique I use is different from yours - which is not to say you're wrong. Because hey, your method is creating what you want... which is not really the same as what I want, and that's perfectly ok. But to use your examples - this is what I totally see my parents doing to me too!
If my mom where to meddle in my relationships... I could react the way you did (which is not wrong by the way), but I could also react as: My mother loves me and wants the best for me. She wants a loving relationship for me and when she sees things that are less than perfect, she wants me to end it. Because she does not have the perfect relationship, she is seeking for her version of the perfect relationship for me. Misguided on her part. Annoying on her part. But she does it because she loves me. Not because she's an evil meddling bi*ch. So... I tell my boyfriend - sorry, my mom did that. She is very over protective so please don't listen to her. Listen to what I'm telling you now... I love you. I don't mind your sexual orientations... etc... And work it out with him. Why does your mom have your bf's number anyway?
If my dad tried to control my diet - which he does! I look at it this way - he loves me, he wants me to eat healthy. I may not think his choices are great, but if I tell him I don't want to eat like him, he feels as if his food choices are wrong. Which makes him feel bad. So instead of telling him off, I could tell him, Thanks, Dad. But I'd rather have that. I'm glad your food choices are good for you, but I really don't like that. I'd also really examine my own feelings about food and find out if I'm really mad at myself because maybe he's right. But if I'm really happy about my food choices... I'd tell my dad, Thanks. I know you love me. I think your food choices work for you, and my food choice are different because I have different preferences. It's ok that i have this chocolate cake before dinner, I'll still finish my dinner. And if I don't, I'll have really delicious leftovers for lunch tomorrow! So it's all good!
And mean it.
This is what I mean about hearing the love. My mom loves me and wants me to have a perfect loving relationship. HER version of it - which may be different from mine. Misguided, annoying, but not evil. My dad doesn't want to control what I eat, he wants validation on what he eats. He's looking out for me, he cares about me. I don't have to tell him I'm an adult and can make my own food choices... I can just BE that by making my own food choices and he'll see that I'm not following his advice. And I'll give him generous validation too - by telling him that I love it that he cares about what I eat and that his food choices are perfectly fine.
Hope that helps. It's funny VetTechJess - but my parents are exactly this way. And I used to rant and rave like this too - and there's nothing wrong with that. But that left me a choice of telling them off, they do what I want, or I cut them out of my life... which was not an ultimatum I wanted to follow through with. And it's not creating the relationship I want - which doesn't mean what you did is not effective - it is effective... but it didn't work on my parents. I'm glad it works on yours.
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