Quote:
Originally Posted by siryessir08  Steve writes a lot about how when you make a goal, there are people that are supportive, people who don't care, and people who are supportive.
As we all know, his suggestion is to cut unhelpful people out of our lives.
What if your primary naysayers are family though?
My parents have always had an idea about what my future beholds. I disappointed them when I realized that college does not fit with my goals. I disappointed them when I told them I'm never going to have a job again. I disappointed them when I got engaged to someone they don't approve of. I disappointed them when I left Christianity after realizing it was a stupid religion.
However, I feel the most liberated and fulfilled I ever have in my entire life since discovering this website last year. My life has taken an entirely new direction, and my parents have continuously expressed their disappointment with the direction I've taken. Their house is filled with negative energy and hostility. I feel like I've outgrown them. Their levels of consciousness are pretty low.
How do I deal with this? Should I cut them loose? Is family different? Is there a way to help them? |
Sounds to me like your parents want to live thru you. Maybe they failed and wanted you to succeed at what they failed at. No excuses for the way theyre acting though.
I use my mother as an example here---she can be a very negative person. I have learned to tune her out and let what she says go in one ear and straight out the other.
For example my candy machines:
For a long time I hadn't yet put them out--fear of rejection or what have you maybe--but I digress--finally I grew some nerves and put them out. Before I had put them out she was always telling me to "sell my machines". Basically I told her the less polite version of "shove it!". I set boundaries with my mother but that doesn't mean she doesnt constantly test them. She has a tendency to want to sabotage whatever relationship I have. She tells me negative things and then says shes not being negative but being "realistic". realistic my ass I say! My mother is livid at my bf for his sexual orientation--however I am not. she later told me that SHE TOOK IT UPON HERSELF WITHOUT MY CONSENT to text him a message saying he would never see his daughter (the child I am carrying) ever in life for acting the way he had. luckily she sent it to the wrong number (I HOPE!!)..dodged a bullet there and if I had the power of the characters in the movie "jumper" (watch it and you'll know what im talking about) I woulda probably bashed her head into the wall. She wanted me to send the text to him but I refused, because Im not like that...despite things---
My mother has been negative about my website as well telling me it won't work. Again I tell her where to stick it (the less polite version because thats the one that tends to get the message thru---already tried and failed at the nice version--) and simply ignore her. I know my website will be a success and I will never have a job again--and to me thats all that matters screw what other ppl think.
As far as not being christian--I havent been christian since 1999 and never felt happier. I have experienced and seen things as a non christian that confirms to me without a shadow of a doubt that there is more than meets the eye on this planet called earth. I have received counsel in dreams--in fact a recent one about the situation I am in--the dream was real--i was fully cognizant as I received counsel from the higher sources and spirits. They outlined a plan for me told me to follow it thru to the letter and if followed thru to the letter that it would all work out in the end and my bf and I would get back together. I have been following it so far and have seen tremendous results--like this morning at 3:17am he called me for the first time since the separation!
You shouldnt cut them loose as much as you should just ignore what they say when they disapprove--not to mention start placing boundaries and set rules as to what they can and cannot do/say--and if they violate those terms interrupt them and remind them bluntly that you are an adult and will do as you please and that they cannot and will not control you anymore and to get out of that parent-child relationship and start getting into the adult parent-adult child relationship.
Hell Im 25 and my father still tries to control what i eat and tries to make me not eat before dinner---again I set boundaries and told him he isn't the boss of me. I told him bluntly and in no uncertain terms. needless to say that shock he has lightened up alot---though he will occasionally get into that mode again and all it takes for him is a simple yet firm reminder from me. I told him ive been on my own for a better part of 4½ years making my own decisions on my own about my eating and hygeine etc and I had no bad experiences there and that just because I had to move back in with him due to circumstances beyond my control that it doesnt give him the right whatsoever to suddenly deem me incompetent to make my own god damn decisions.--took him by surprise but he got the hint---FAST AND QUICKLY!!
just my .02