Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - commitment issues

Enrim · 06-01-2009, 04:20 AM

Hi Everybody and thank you for reading my thread.

Lately I've been getting into the same situation over and over again, and every time it happens, it scares me so much I nearly have panic attacks. The problem is - anytime a guy likes me, and he expresses the feelings - I just want to run run run and hide. Of course, not from just any guy, it is from guys that i actually have feelings for as well. The last two examples are:

1. I've been involved with a guy for over a year - but it is a non-committment, nothing serious type-a thing. He is someone I look up to, I do have feelings for him and I think he is an amazing individual, but every time he says ANYTHING that has anything to do with being more serious, I lose it completely. I just want to run and hide. I forget that I had any kind of feelings for him and just never want to see him again. My reaction is very strong, and I am at my wits end as to how to solve this problem... however, I haven't seen that guy for a while and that's when example #2 came in:

2. I met a guy and it seemed like we had a connection going, I liked him very much, I thought he was very interesting, very strong, very sweet, very smart person. But then he asked me out, and that was... well... the end of it. I freaked out so much and completely sabotaged everything that could have happened. I am trying to take it easy on myself, to understand that I have issues that I need to work on and beating myself for it is not going to help, but I just can't help but feel horrible for what happened, knowing it is all my fault. I tried to do some research on how people get over the commitment issues, but all I came up with was how happy single people were, and that they really don't need all of the problems that come along with relationships... not much help. I talked to a friend of mine and he did help me to at least start getting out of the funk and look at the real problem, but I feel so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to start solving it. I've been meditating a lot, journaling, talking about it, trying to get to the bottom of it, but so far it's been very little progress. I still feel pretty awful. Are any of you, commitment phobes, out there? How did you get over it? What are your experiences?

I just want to see a bigger picture and put everything in perspective. I want to learn from this, I am searching for answers within, but it helps to see what other people say as well. I need help.

Thanks again.

06-01-2009, 04:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
Enrim Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: New York Posts: 85	commitment issues - how do you get over them? Hi Everybody and thank you for reading my thread. Lately I've been getting into the same situation over and over again, and every time it happens, it scares me so much I nearly have panic attacks. The problem is - anytime a guy likes me, and he expresses the feelings - I just want to run run run and hide. Of course, not from just any guy, it is from guys that i actually have feelings for as well. The last two examples are: 1. I've been involved with a guy for over a year - but it is a non-committment, nothing serious type-a thing. He is someone I look up to, I do have feelings for him and I think he is an amazing individual, but every time he says ANYTHING that has anything to do with being more serious, I lose it completely. I just want to run and hide. I forget that I had any kind of feelings for him and just never want to see him again. My reaction is very strong, and I am at my wits end as to how to solve this problem... however, I haven't seen that guy for a while and that's when example #2 came in: 2. I met a guy and it seemed like we had a connection going, I liked him very much, I thought he was very interesting, very strong, very sweet, very smart person. But then he asked me out, and that was... well... the end of it. I freaked out so much and completely sabotaged everything that could have happened. I am trying to take it easy on myself, to understand that I have issues that I need to work on and beating myself for it is not going to help, but I just can't help but feel horrible for what happened, knowing it is all my fault. I tried to do some research on how people get over the commitment issues, but all I came up with was how happy single people were, and that they really don't need all of the problems that come along with relationships... not much help. I talked to a friend of mine and he did help me to at least start getting out of the funk and look at the real problem, but I feel so overwhelmed that I don't even know where to start solving it. I've been meditating a lot, journaling, talking about it, trying to get to the bottom of it, but so far it's been very little progress. I still feel pretty awful. Are any of you, commitment phobes, out there? How did you get over it? What are your experiences? I just want to see a bigger picture and put everything in perspective. I want to learn from this, I am searching for answers within, but it helps to see what other people say as well. I need help. Thanks again.