[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by yossarian

She's very critical and judgmental of you, and you encourage this behaviour in her.

Hopefully you're aware of that, for starters. If that's how you want a relationship to be that is certainly your choice, however if I had to guess I'd guess that her criticism and judgmental attitude towards you is what is turning you off, or at the very least blocking you from being able to appreciate her.

Hitting some nails on the head. There is a dynamic that I too play the part and when it gets polarized I start to notice it in my anger signaling me it's something I don't want. I probably criticize myself in response to upsetting her because when she rants at me I am being told I did something wrong (which could be true - my part of the encouragement of her behaviour). I've been with her a long time, so some of these patterns are just things we do when we get stressed and unaware, unfortunatly. But then stress is comming from me thinking about leaving her.

My advice is that you need to figure out what a GOOD relationship is for you. Imagine what a GOOD relationship looks like, feels like, how you treat each other. It seems like you don't really have this and instead are in it for no real reason besides it being "what you're supposed to do".

If you can imagine a relationship that WOULD make you appreciative, interested, loving, or whatever things you want, I think the smart thing then is to start working towards it. Ask yourself how you could mould what you have right now into that good thing, tell your gf that thats what you want and that you need to seek it, and if she doesnt or cant help you then you owe it to yourself to leave and find it somewhere else.

Thanks for putting that out. I'm taking that to heart and it;s not been too much of my focus - figure out what a good relationship is for me. More of the "this isn't what I want" focus. I know she's up to the whole ball of wax with me but I'm not seeing it. In other words it's up to me to make it better with her or leave. It's just one of my gut feelings that I dont' feel up to making it better with her. It's not going to go the way of me saying this is how I want it and she saying she can't be that way so then I leave. Maybe I've lost my objectivity.

It sounds to me like you're on a tight leash beind held by an abusive owner and it doesn't suprise me at all that you are losing interest in her. I would too. No one wants to be whipped.

Just my opinion though, I'm hardly an expert.

Yeah, and also that tight leash is partly my doing in letting things be status quo. However, even if I wanted to do my own thing and I'm in a relationship I do think I should be letting her know I'm not coming home for diner or something. It's just that my head isn't really completly in the relationship so I do things outside of that context, then she gets to freak out and get to do damage control.