leroy, I am so sorry for your loss. Some thoughts that might help.
I have lost my whole family. Realize that you are still alive and you are not alone. Unless you've lost everybody you usually take that for granted.
I don't know about the other people around your mom but it looks like you've taken the initiative to take care of her in this hard period.
Instead of having a discussion with your mom, try to listen to her. If she keeps saying you don't understand her, ask her to talk to you because you'd like to. Tell her it might take months or years until you finally get it but you don't care and still want to because she is important to you. Ask her to talk about your dad. Tell her that if she's not going to talk about him he'll never have the chance to let his son know him better.
Make her feel you need her. Tell her that you need her.
Finally, your dad still needs you. You are one of those special people on Earth who cared about him. He might not be amongst us anymore but if your life screws up too much you won't be able to tell wonderful stories about him to those who are important to you and who were important to him.
Please, start looking for ways to enjoy your life. My best friend just died at age 20. Think about your dreams and start making them come true. Think about your Dad's dreams and your common dreams and work on those too.
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