[Orecle]

Originally Posted by Plato

I've never bothered learning how to be a good lover. At least not consciously.

At the moment I'm just slapping around willy nilly, with no particular idea of whether it's good or not besides her reaction. As much fun as it is for me, I suspect I could give a lot more pleasure if I knew what I was doing.

Resources? Advice?

Originally Posted by Cameron Teone

Hey Plato,

I think there are two different components to being a good lover.

One is emotional, and the other is physical. The emotional part is how comfortable you are able to make a woman feel in bed. And yes that burden does fall on your shoulders as a man. So man up, take the lead. Also, learning directly from her responses is a key that most guys seem to miss from my chats with female friends/dates. Women are different in what stimuli they respond to and you can figure that out by being observant and present.

Plato wrote;

I agree and disagree. I think one of the key factors that make alot of sexual encounters go wrong, is the woman/girl with not much experience who (to compensate) comes with the mindset of "Since you have the penis, you take the lead".

This is why guys complain "She laid there, like a dead fish". Nothing will make sex crapper than a gal waiting to be excited, by an already nervous guy

Ladies, just because a man ejaculates, does not mean he enjoyed sex with you. I know alot of women find it hard to beleive, but it is true. Ever wondered why some guys dont call after a one night stand?

It all stems from lack of enthusiasm. Even if a woman is not experienced, if she is enthusiastic before hand. the man already nervous man will be alot more receptive. Why? Guess wat causes most men to feel nervous? Besides can I get hard enough? or Can I not ejaculate quick enough?

It is, "I wonder if she likes this?......and this?......... and that?......... I wonder wat she is thinking now?.......... and now?........... oh no. I'm going to ........."

While I do agree that a man should make a woman feel comfortable, a woman should also make a man feel comfortable, making her feel comfortable.

Because men are the ones who pursue women, and most men have max 6 partners in a lifetime. Most men feel uncomfortable asking for a good performance from women. Most men dont even know wat turns them on. Its down the line wen they try different partners that they become more vocal in wat they like

Wen a woman is stiff, she cant hide it. I am talking before any foreplay has started. Its like wen you dance. She is nervous, he is nervous and nothing flows, you bump into each other

You hear a lot of women say "I want a man who knows wat he is doing" Wat you might not hear is wen she is crying cos the man dumped her for being boring in bed.

This is little known or discussed, but a woman can be boring in bed. This is usually caused by lack of enthusiasm, or waiting for the man to take control. I agree that a man needs to be a bull, but it should be aided by a woman showing just as much enthusiasm. Nothing more sexier than a woman who knows and goes for wat she wants sexually. Even if she doesnt know, nothing beats a woman willing to relax and try things out. Nothing worse than lack of enthusiasm

Ladies, even if you dont know wat you are doing or are embarassed, TRY TRY TRY. Go with the flow, but what ever you do, dont just lie down there like car waiting to be warmed up. This may sound odd, but guys want to be turned on too. And nothing turns a guy on more, than a woman that just lets go, and wants to connect rather than 1 that has the 'WARM me UP, then I will respond' look on her face. Be passionate, watever you cognitively percieve passionate to be, do it.

Let me give an example. UNDER 18s PLS look away NOW

Oral sex. Wen an unexperienced woman/gal does it for the 1st time (1st few times) enthusiasm would improve the experience a whole lot more for the man rather, than the look that says 'I dont want to do this, but I am doing this cos you want me to(and I am secretly fascinated by your reaction)' Then come the half-hearted licks, then she looks up at you like "Is this good" In you head, you are thinking ""

I feel I may get shot down for this post, but ladies if you act with the enthusiasm and passion of a porn star(even if you dont have the skill), your man will put in a much better performance and will recover alot faster for round 2, 3 , 4 .......

Nothing is more sexy than an energetic, passionate woman who demonstrate that she wants to enjoy the moment and give you pleasure

It is alot easier to communicate with an energetic lady, than a quite one. Think about it, is it easier to communicate with someone who acts shy and coy or someone who might not have experience but who has the enthusiasm of Tony Robbins?

Ladies, be super passionate, and I guarantee your man would respond in kind.



Men : If you dont have a woman who is comfortable around you it will seem like a chore

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

I can't begin to explain what image came to mind when I read that!

I think it is great that you ask. I agree with the others that suggest slowing down. Take your time and use eye contact to really connect with the other person. Ask her what she likes and wants. (In a sensual way, not in a clinical tick list kind of way!)

In the famous words of John Cleese "Don't stampeed towards the clitoris. Give her a kiss, boy!" i.e. lots of foreplay, building anticipation, tease her a bit, make each time a little different (i.e. don't get stuck in a predictable rut). Above all enjoy it and let her know that you are turned on by her enjoying it.

Above all, don't be like the guy who twisted my breast back and forward like he was trying to crack open a safe. I can't think how he thought it would be pleasurable for either of us!

crack open a safe have been guilty of this as a teen

Originally Posted by aelle

See, I love that kind of rough boob play. But try touching my clit directly and I'll run out of the room screaming (when my boyfriend's ex liked to have hers bitten). This is why talking is reeeeally important!

I like to think of these topics as: if you're not old enough to be doin' it, you probably shouldn't be reading it.

I think another thing we guys do, is to eiether be the rough porn star lover or the soft movie star romantic lover. Most guys who are inexperienced try the soft approach. So I hear a lot of women say they wish the man can stop trying to be so delicate, and be more stallion like and give her a good or he can be more sensual and attentive.

Out of the 2, I hear women complain about men making love like soft wimps, where as the complaints with the porno wannabes is not enough foreplay.

Another thing that helps, is dont go in defeated. Look to give and get pleasure.

All women are different, and the same woman can want something different at times. One time she may want tenderness, and another she may want the beast

I noticed alot of women are not comfortable asking a man to unleash his manly stallion side (i guess some might think he will be judgemental) but afterwards she will look at you different

Good different

As other posters, have said Communicate. ask her wat she would like, tell her wat you like.