[funchy]

Originally Posted by Sivodna

The Obstacles in my life are these:

1. I have some gynecomastia.2. I have crappy teeth, and a broken nose. My nose is half way across my face. It's denting my confidence (nothing compared to the gynecomastia though). Besides that, I'm actually reasonably attractive and a cheerful, positive person.

You're only as attractive as you think yourself to be. A person with poor self esteem can get plastic surgery and then find something else that needs fixed. Will getting these surgeries really make you a happier person inside?

I hope that you can get to the point where you love & accept yourself for who you are. EVERYONE has flaws. The only difference between you and the confident people is how you choose to see yourself.

Please don't say "learn to love yourself", because you betray your ignorance and unintended hypocrisy. Just. Don't. Do. It. Trust me.

I am saying it because I refuse to let you wallow in self pity. Isn't it possible others understand what it's like to have physical imperfections? You make it seem like you're the only person who ever felt so horrible about yourself. It's not ignorant to indulge your selfpity thinking. It's that for people with flaws (most people, me included), we do go through terrible periods of feeling unaccepted. Unwanted. If only for X, people would love me more. If I was only more X, I'd get more respect. The truth is the only thing holding you back is YOU: your mindset. And the more you obsess over something, the more people around you who did accept you will start to notice.

The mental or inner stuff:

3. I want to lecture and teach, so I need to know my stuff... but I find that university gets in the way of my education. I am free now to read as I please, and I love it.

I'd argue that you need to finish your university studies for two reasons.

One: life isn't all about reading what you please when it interests you, then traveling the world and getting paid to talk about what you want to talk about. If this will be your career, to get paid you need to offer people something of value.

Two: if you hope to get lecture opportunities or respect in academic circles, you may have trouble without the full university training.

Sorry to hear you think learning from others has no value. But consider this: you want to make a living having others learn from you.

My mother is expecting me to go back to university in a few months. But the truth is, I cannot think of anything except achieving my other objectives first.

Then the responsible thing to do is to get a day job. Then move out so you can do what you please without complaining about your mother's concern. I'm unclear on how you'll pay the loan for two different plastic surgeries & take time off for work to recover. I feel if you're going to impose on your mother's generosity, living under her roof at your age, you might want to give more consideration to what she suggests for you. I'm not doing do everything she says, but I do feel you owe it to her to really think about her perspective.

I want to muster the courage to admit to my mother what I want (this will be extremely hard for me, I hate to appear vulnerable or depressed). My parents are divorced. My father's an alcoholic with no goals in life, and he would think I'm a fool for spending all this money (while he pisses away his own money).

Is it possible your self-limiting beliefs aren't because of a crooked nose but rather have roots deeper in your childhood and your relationship with your parents? Will plastic surgery erase your emotional scars??

What makes you think you can't be an awesome teacher, looking as you do? I think Stephen Hawking , confined to a wheelchair, has some physical issues, but he never let it stop him.

So, that's it. Damn that feels good. All comments welcome. Please don't say "learn to love yourself" - I do love myself. That's why I need to fix these problems. Thank you.

If you loved yourself, you'd love yourself flaws included. You do not. You are in denial. You are convinced nobody can possible understand your angst. You're isolated and your family doesn't get what your going through. But you're not as alone as you think. People do understand what you're going through, and you don't need feel like you have to suffer through it by yourself. I'd hug you right now if I could.

You will probably not agree with me, but I feel if I was in your shoes, I'd use the time off and money to heal the inner issues first. Have you considered talking with a counselor/therapist?

I truly am sorry to hear all you're going through, and I hope things improve for you.