Dear Norbert,
I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your dear friend, and the other, more distant losses in your life. As someone who has also experienced a lot of loss and has no remaining members of my family of origin (my mother died when I was 13, my father over 10 years ago, my grandparents are long gone and I have no siblings), I can understand the feelings you're having. I would just gently suggest that this loss is so new and was so totally unexpected that you may very well still be in a kind of emotional shock. Please be compassionate with yourself. I have found that the process of moving on with my own life after the death of someone close to me (I've also lost some close friends, though none at such a tender age as your friend) takes time, and that I need to leave room for grieving, which can last a long time. One thing that has helped me at times is to talk to the person I'm missing or to write to them. Most recently, a dear friend of mine died of cancer, so while her death was expected, it was still very painful for me. I listened to tapes from the Zen Hospice Project. (
Zen Hospice Project > Welcome) While the first two tapes in the series are about being with a person who is dying, the last is about grieving. I found them all to be very moving and beautiful.
I wish you peace.
Rebecca