Dear Pianoperformer, what I don't understand about your struggle is the role of Jesus. When I have dialogues with Lord Krishna, it is not that I believe that a blue God is standing next to me, it is a dialogue with my higher Self which I would have a harder time visualizing otherwise. Similarly, if Jesus has been important in your life, you can invoke His spirit in your spiritual search without accepting all that baggage that the church has attached to it in later centuries.
Remember that "Jesus" is also the author of A Course in Miracles even though Helen Schucman was His medium. I always say, Just because something didn't happen, doesn't mean it isn't true.
Hope this helps,
Zeitgeist
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