Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Stuck between two paths again, but this time spiritually

pianoperformer · 05-23-2009, 04:50 AM

I'm stuck between two paths again, but this time spiritually, instead of with purpose etc, as in my previous thread.

The problem is that these are two very opposing paths. One does not make sense logically, but I had some experiences with it that confirms it a little for me, though there could be other explanations.

The first path is Christianity. I've been going back and forth in and out of Christianity for a while, so that's nothing new. But allow me to explain what happened that persuaded me a little bit.

I've had a problem for several years with negative spirits. I'm very sensitive to them, so I feel their presence rather easily, and consequently I feel fear. Very irrational fear.

For a few weeks, I had been sleeping on the couch, because I really felt them strongly in my bedroom. It had gotten so bad sometimes that I just gave up and left my room in the middle of the night.

Well, I decided I wanted to start trying to sleep in my bed again, and would hopefully deal with anything as it arose.

I felt that familiar presence and fear. It wasn't too confrontational yet, but I really didn't want it to get that way. Usually when I would be laying in bed, it would stay behind me, though sometimes I would feel it over me.

Honestly I can't tell if it is negative, or if I'm just fearful of spirits, period. But still I didn't like it.

So I was rather desperate, and didn't know what to do. The only thing I could think of quickly was to call on Jesus to get rid of this negativity.

I imagined that a dark cloud had been over my house, but that it was lifting and dissipating. With that, the fear and the sense of that presence was gone.

Well, that made me think a lot, and I wasn't really sure what to do with it.

Then, there was this thread, "why there is not historic evidence of Jesus," which eventually linked to this article, which I am unable to refute. Out of curiosity, I asked people to do so in the other thread, but there hasn't been much of that yet unfortunately.

So the upsides are that it had a tangible effect for me.

The downsides are that it is absolutely illogical for me. I hate the whole idea of hell and of everyone being sinners. I have all the same problems with it as I have voiced many many times on these forums, as have others.

The second path is that of a darkworker. I had a thread, "stuck between two paths,", where Asmoday linked to a post on his web site.

The post was very helpful in and of itself, but then I went to the front page to see what else he had to say. I try to keep an open mind about such things, and was very curious.

I found a philosophy described there that really appealed and made sense to me. Moreover, after applying some of the ideas, I felt much more self-confident, and for the first time in a long time, my motivation was ignited, and I felt unstoppable and like everything was in my control.

The upsides are that it also has had a tangible effect for me, in an area where nothing else has had even a similar effect. It made me feel more in control of my life, and more confident and accepting of myself.

The downsides are that I fear it leading to harm of some kind, especially if the first path turns out to be true. I don't want to be bringing any forces into my life that are hard to get rid of.

So after all that, basically those two paths are very much opposed. Both have some benefits and some downsides. If I ask anyone, they are going to have a bias of some kind in pointing toward one or the other, or toward some unknown third path.

I hope people here will have an open enough mind to help me figure this out, or dissuade my fears, even if one or both of the paths are not very popular for many people here. Hopefully you can at least see where I am coming from.

If nothing else, at least this has helped me to lay out the pros and cons, so to speak, of both paths. I don't know if that really helps, though.

05-23-2009, 04:50 AM	#1 (permalink)
pianoperformer Love in Action (Mod) Join Date: May 2008 Location: Ohio Posts: 2,527	Stuck between two paths again, but this time spiritually I'm stuck between two paths again, but this time spiritually, instead of with purpose etc, as in my previous thread. The problem is that these are two very opposing paths. One does not make sense logically, but I had some experiences with it that confirms it a little for me, though there could be other explanations. The first path is Christianity. I've been going back and forth in and out of Christianity for a while, so that's nothing new. But allow me to explain what happened that persuaded me a little bit. I've had a problem for several years with negative spirits. I'm very sensitive to them, so I feel their presence rather easily, and consequently I feel fear. Very irrational fear. For a few weeks, I had been sleeping on the couch, because I really felt them strongly in my bedroom. It had gotten so bad sometimes that I just gave up and left my room in the middle of the night. Well, I decided I wanted to start trying to sleep in my bed again, and would hopefully deal with anything as it arose. I felt that familiar presence and fear. It wasn't too confrontational yet, but I really didn't want it to get that way. Usually when I would be laying in bed, it would stay behind me, though sometimes I would feel it over me. Honestly I can't tell if it is negative, or if I'm just fearful of spirits, period. But still I didn't like it. So I was rather desperate, and didn't know what to do. The only thing I could think of quickly was to call on Jesus to get rid of this negativity. I imagined that a dark cloud had been over my house, but that it was lifting and dissipating. With that, the fear and the sense of that presence was gone. Well, that made me think a lot, and I wasn't really sure what to do with it. Then, there was this thread, "why there is not historic evidence of Jesus," which eventually linked to this article, which I am unable to refute. Out of curiosity, I asked people to do so in the other thread, but there hasn't been much of that yet unfortunately. So the upsides are that it had a tangible effect for me. The downsides are that it is absolutely illogical for me. I hate the whole idea of hell and of everyone being sinners. I have all the same problems with it as I have voiced many many times on these forums, as have others. The second path is that of a darkworker. I had a thread, "stuck between two paths,", where Asmoday linked to a post on his web site. The post was very helpful in and of itself, but then I went to the front page to see what else he had to say. I try to keep an open mind about such things, and was very curious. I found a philosophy described there that really appealed and made sense to me. Moreover, after applying some of the ideas, I felt much more self-confident, and for the first time in a long time, my motivation was ignited, and I felt unstoppable and like everything was in my control. The upsides are that it also has had a tangible effect for me, in an area where nothing else has had even a similar effect. It made me feel more in control of my life, and more confident and accepting of myself. The downsides are that I fear it leading to harm of some kind, especially if the first path turns out to be true. I don't want to be bringing any forces into my life that are hard to get rid of. So after all that, basically those two paths are very much opposed. Both have some benefits and some downsides. If I ask anyone, they are going to have a bias of some kind in pointing toward one or the other, or toward some unknown third path. I hope people here will have an open enough mind to help me figure this out, or dissuade my fears, even if one or both of the paths are not very popular for many people here. Hopefully you can at least see where I am coming from. If nothing else, at least this has helped me to lay out the pros and cons, so to speak, of both paths. I don't know if that really helps, though.