Ha, thanks Angela.
And I know! But I'm finding it hazy, and am hoping for some prompts!
When C gossips or bitches about someone, or tells a self-aggrandising tale or directs a barbed comment at me, I can see those things are coming from a placed of extreme insecurity. I don't take the things she says personally, I just find dealing with her unpleasant, and I struggle to get my head around the idea of trying to support someone I find bafflingly aggressive and negative.
I feel like I should be responding in a way that tries to support the place of hurt or insecurity that her comments are coming from (at least, that's the way I perceive it) but I have to measure those responses - they're not instinctive for me - and I feel like it's obvious I'm trying to decide how to respond. This provokes her too, and she sometimes accuses me, asking "What, are you trying to make me feel/look bad/stupid?" My instinctive internal response is "No, you're doing that yourself," but I'm aware that's not a helpful response, but genuinely I'm not trying to make her look bad, I just don't know how to deal with her.
So most of the time I just let her comments pass (which I know exacerbates the problem) rather than respond. How do I deal with her in a way that doesn't support her negativity, but doesn't cause conflict at the dinner table?
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