[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by James81

It's not about her. It's about YOU. The wrongness comes in in the same way the wrongness comes into supplying answers to a test, assisting someone in killing someone, etc.

You can't feign "innocence" just because you don't have a SO. You know what she is doing is wrong, and you are helping her do it. You most definately share some of the blame.

I am talking about leaving responsibility where it lies - with her for her actions, and with me for mine.

I am not helping her cheat - she can do so perfectly well without me.

How exactly do you belittle her?

By in effect telling her 'hey I don't sleep with you because it's bad for you and your partner; you're dumb that you don't realize that so I'll decide for you'. In my view that smacks of arrogance and 'I am above you' - an attitude I've displayed too many times in my life, it's painful.

Once again, it's not about her. It's about you and the standard with which you live your life. When you live consciously, you recognize that everybody is connected to you (as per el Steve-o, which I agree with). Essentially, you enable someone to inflict pain on their SO. It's not about controlling HER actions, it's about realizing the pain that her cheating will cause on her SO and having no part of it. So yes, as you are connected to everyone, you do bear *some* responsibility.

Granted, you can choose to cast off that responsibility, but it doesn't make it any less wrong.

I get what you say. I choose another point of view. Maybe that makes me wrong. So be it.

Who cares what she thinks?

Me! Of course I care! Wouldn't you?

And why exactly would you go after a married person anyway? You have to realize that a relationship like that would be damaging to YOURSELF. First of all, you would have to keep it a secret (or rather, you would be pressured to do so)--thus, putting you out of tune with TRUTH (as per Steve's book, which I also agree with). Secondly, you would be making a connection with someone who can't really connect with you, who is known to be dishonest and deceitful, thus putting you out of turn with LOVE. Finally, your actions would be limited within the confineds of a paper-walled veil of secrecy and dishonesty, your freedom to explore the full depth of the relationship with her is hindered by that dishonesty, and thus puts you out of tune with your POWER.

I don't go after women BECAUSE they have a partner. I don't mind keeping secrets and I don't see how keeping a secret would hurt me.

Again, a person who cheats on his / her partner has already decided to end the relationship as it is - whether they are aware of it or not. It is up to them, not to me, to create the relationship that they want. It's up to me to create the relationship that I want, and to be fully responsible for that.

When you are out of tune with those three things, everything else seems to come apart as well.

I understand what you mean but for me it is not true that 'everything comes apart' if I sleep with a cheating woman.

So, the lesson rings true...by damaging someone else (i.e. her SO), you damage yourself. Her actions do not matter here. Her values do not matter. The only thing that matters are your values and how they are aligned with truth, love, and power.

If I damage her partner (a big if, in my opinion) I am responsible for that. We disagree whether I in such a position would damage her partner, her and myself.