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Originally Posted by spirit4711  First, if I sleep with a woman who willingly cheats on her partner, and she believes cheating is wrong, that relationship is more or less doomed anyway. My NOT sleeping with her won't change that. |
It's not about her. It's about YOU. The wrongness comes in in the same way the wrongness comes into supplying answers to a test, assisting someone in killing someone, etc.
You can't feign "innocence" just because you don't have a SO. You know what she is doing is wrong, and you are helping her do it. You most definately share some of the blame.
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Originally Posted by spirit4711 Second, it's her life, her relationship, her values, her responsibility. She wants to sleep with me and I say no because she has a partner, I assume a responsibility that isn't mine, and I belittle her in the process. I may say no for other reasons, but not for the single fact she has a partner. |
How exactly do you belittle her? Once again, it's not about her. It's about you and the standard with which you live your life. When you live consciously, you recognize that everybody is connected to you (as per el Steve-o, which I agree with). Essentially, you enable someone to inflict pain on their SO. It's not about controlling HER actions, it's about realizing the pain that her cheating will cause on her SO and having no part of it. So yes, as you are connected to everyone, you do bear *some* responsibility.
Granted, you can choose to cast off that responsibility, but it doesn't make it any less wrong.
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Originally Posted by spirit4711 Third, she may see cheating as perfectly normal - cheating is aligned with her set of values, even though society sees it as bad. |
Who cares what she thinks?
And why exactly would you go after a married person anyway? You have to realize that a relationship like that would be damaging to YOURSELF. First of all, you would have to keep it a secret (or rather, you would be pressured to do so)--thus, putting you out of tune with TRUTH (as per Steve's book, which I also agree with). Secondly, you would be making a connection with someone who can't really connect with you, who is known to be dishonest and deceitful, thus putting you out of turn with LOVE. Finally, your actions would be limited within the confineds of a paper-walled veil of secrecy and dishonesty, your freedom to explore the full depth of the relationship with her is hindered by that dishonesty, and thus puts you out of tune with your POWER.
When you are out of tune with those three things, everything else seems to come apart as well.
So, the lesson rings true...by damaging someone else (i.e. her SO), you damage yourself. Her actions do not matter here. Her values do not matter. The only thing that matters are your values and how they are aligned with truth, love, and power.
(btw, I'm assuming people here have read Steve's book, so that's why I am framing my point in that way....if you haven't read his book, you probably have no idea what the hell I'm talking about lol)