Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Hello-New Member with Dilemma

cylon · 05-18-2009, 05:12 PM

In my experience many women love to find a guy who is rough around the edges (but a real sweetheart if you get to know him) and try to change him into something else, which if he's strong-willed enough, will never happen. It's a great challenge, provides lots of drama, and it's one of the oldest stories in the world.

If you are not getting an emotional payoff by dealing with both sides of this guy and trying to change him, you wouldn't be with him. You can't blame him for his behavior because you would never see this behavior if you weren't with him, if you chose to walk away.

Consider the emotional ups and downs you would be giving up if he somehow changed his personality and became something he wasn't. Do you think you'd get a little bored? Have you dated any "nice guys" who DIDN'T act like he did? What was your emotional response to them? Why aren't you with one of those guys instead?

You have two options: accept him as he is, or decide his behavior is unacceptable and leave him.

Him actually changing his behavior, don't count on it.

05-18-2009, 05:12 PM	#10 (permalink)
cylon Family Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 6,852	In my experience many women love to find a guy who is rough around the edges (but a real sweetheart if you get to know him) and try to change him into something else, which if he's strong-willed enough, will never happen. It's a great challenge, provides lots of drama, and it's one of the oldest stories in the world. If you are not getting an emotional payoff by dealing with both sides of this guy and trying to change him, you wouldn't be with him. You can't blame him for his behavior because you would never see this behavior if you weren't with him, if you chose to walk away. Consider the emotional ups and downs you would be giving up if he somehow changed his personality and became something he wasn't. Do you think you'd get a little bored? Have you dated any "nice guys" who DIDN'T act like he did? What was your emotional response to them? Why aren't you with one of those guys instead? You have two options: accept him as he is, or decide his behavior is unacceptable and leave him. Him actually changing his behavior, don't count on it. Last edited by cylon; 05-18-2009 at 05:15 PM.