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Originally Posted by ethereal  Also, how would fear play into this? does it go under aversion, the desire not to have/experience? |
I am delighted to learn that you have had this important realization! It's a common pitfall that I feel doesn't get very much attention from many spiritual teachers. I have found that the spiritual path is a constant discovery of where your ego has hidden itself. Here is a worthwhile
discussion of this topic.
One potential source of confusion is the paradox of 'How can I desire to stop desiring?' Its important to note that, for a Buddhist, we have no unchanging self, and there is no permanent soul. But for someone following Advaita Vedanta and other nondual traditions, this is equivalent to saying that the self is not the Highest Self. In either case, the goal is cessation of desire, but in a sense, desire is defined differently than normal. We usually define desire to mean 'something that I want', but the real meaning is 'something that I want that is motivated out of ignorance of the true nature of the self'. But then the question is, how do you know the difference? For a Buddhist, the main source of confusion is holding on to what is impermanent, thinking we can keep it forever. Meditating on impermanence and the transient nature of the self is an important practice to avoid this. I'm not sure what the equivalent practice would be for traditions that teach about the Higher Self. I think Buddhist teachings tend to play it safe, since its easy to convince yourself that you are identifying with the Higher Self when in face, you are getting more involved with the ego. There is the concept of Bodhicitta which means "enlightened heart/mind". This is the solemn vow that one achieve enlightenment for the sake of all beings, that they be free of suffering. Someone who has achieved enlightenment with this intention is called a bodhisattva. This is considered to be the most noble motivation that should be cultivated, not a desire that we should be free of. Finally, beating ourselves up for not living up to a "spiritual" standard is a bit lacking in compassion to ourselves. And it kind of sucks the joy out of life.
To your question, I think fear would be categorized as aversion, although we have to be a bit careful. Fear is really just a sensation. There's nothing wrong or bad about it, but the way we respond to fear is often unhelpful. In response to fear, we try to protect ourselves and avoid confronting our inherent vulnerability. When our response to fear is to try to convince ourselves that we can really, finally and permanently become invulnerable, then we are setting ourselves up for more suffering when something comes along that blows the doors off that delusion. Pema Chodron has written much on fearlessness. Here is an excerpt from her book,
The Wisdom of No Escape. Another book is called
The Places That Scare You. I find that the titles by themselves speak from place of radical fearlessness and openness that I rarely encounter in most contemporary spiritual books.