Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Hello-New Member with Dilemma

Justagirl · 05-18-2009, 03:38 AM

Found this site looking for relationship advice. Have been in a LTR for just over 2 years, I fell madly in love with him when we first met, he took a very long time to be able to say he loves me. I understood he was being cautious but it did create some issues for me early on.
The good: He's generally a very good caring boyfriend, he's smart, financially o.k., he cooks me dinner all of the time, and tells me I'm pretty, beautiful, etc.
The bad: he's moody, drinks probably too much, and is pretty rough around the edges definitely not a softie.

The problem: Every time things are going really well something comes up where he is being insensitive and hurts my feelings tremedously. Last night in front of my friends he was moody and didn't have one nice thing to say to me or anyone else. He made some comments that were hurtful to me and embarassing in front of my friend. The other thing is that when we're together in a group he pays zero attention to me. It's like I'm not even there. So of course I was upset as we drove home and he winded up not staying over because I was mad. DIdn't ask me why, just left. So in the morning he calls like everything is fine, but its not fine. I'm still upset and hurt. His response is "I didn't do anyting to you" and I'm taking things out of context. Tells me my I'm over emotional.. It's the same thing all of the time, he tells me I'm oversensitive and that I just like to fight. This is so far from the truth, I'd rather be alone then fight with someone all of the time.
How do I let him know he hurts my feelings without having a crazy knock down drag out fight each time? He gets so defensive, once i had to call 911 because I was scared. He also said that it's such a pain in the ass to deal with me...

I'm perplexed because he does such nice things for me but then has this other side and I can't ever seem to penetrate with him how much what he says and how he acts affects me..
Maybe he's just the right guy for me but honestly he's got me thinking like I may be on my own emotional rollercoaster for some deep rooted issues that have nothing to do with him, I can't see that but open to others suggestions and opinions.

05-18-2009, 03:38 AM	#1 (permalink)
Justagirl Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 7	Hello-New Member with Dilemma Found this site looking for relationship advice. Have been in a LTR for just over 2 years, I fell madly in love with him when we first met, he took a very long time to be able to say he loves me. I understood he was being cautious but it did create some issues for me early on. The good: He's generally a very good caring boyfriend, he's smart, financially o.k., he cooks me dinner all of the time, and tells me I'm pretty, beautiful, etc. The bad: he's moody, drinks probably too much, and is pretty rough around the edges definitely not a softie. The problem: Every time things are going really well something comes up where he is being insensitive and hurts my feelings tremedously. Last night in front of my friends he was moody and didn't have one nice thing to say to me or anyone else. He made some comments that were hurtful to me and embarassing in front of my friend. The other thing is that when we're together in a group he pays zero attention to me. It's like I'm not even there. So of course I was upset as we drove home and he winded up not staying over because I was mad. DIdn't ask me why, just left. So in the morning he calls like everything is fine, but its not fine. I'm still upset and hurt. His response is "I didn't do anyting to you" and I'm taking things out of context. Tells me my I'm over emotional.. It's the same thing all of the time, he tells me I'm oversensitive and that I just like to fight. This is so far from the truth, I'd rather be alone then fight with someone all of the time. How do I let him know he hurts my feelings without having a crazy knock down drag out fight each time? He gets so defensive, once i had to call 911 because I was scared. He also said that it's such a pain in the ass to deal with me... I'm perplexed because he does such nice things for me but then has this other side and I can't ever seem to penetrate with him how much what he says and how he acts affects me.. Maybe he's just the right guy for me but honestly he's got me thinking like I may be on my own emotional rollercoaster for some deep rooted issues that have nothing to do with him, I can't see that but open to others suggestions and opinions.