Well, now I'm strongly considering returning to Duquesne and going back into the music school. I think that if I can work through the issues that limited me last semester, as caused by the overwhelming difficulty I had last fall, and remember to keep some time for myself to relax, I can do it.
My friend really put it to me well. He said I could do what I'm really passionate about, or just bury it all because I'm too scared and do what appears to be more practical.
I do love programming too, but I don't think I love it as much. I think that as long as I can keep some time for myself to keep up with my hobbies, such as programming and blogging, I will be happy. If I learned anything, it's that I need balance in life. Too much of one thing to the exclusion of all else, leads quickly to burnout.
The thought of returning has really improved my mood, but the question that worries me is whether I can do so. Two questions arise:
- Will they let me? I technically withdrew, though the medical withdrawal has not been approved yet, last I heard.
- Can I afford it? Assuming I can go back, I still have the problem we had for the last 4 semesters, that we have a horrible time trying to afford it. However, my piano teacher was trying to get the music school to get me a grant. That, combined with my mom and me trying to save over several months, might just make it, hopefully. I should begin to save this month, just in case.
I initiated a lot of personal growth out there, that wasn't nearly complete yet when I left. I just started to come out of my shell socially. It'd also be nice to get back to continue that progress.
I'm not at all certain it is right, but it feels a lot better than being content with where I am now and not being able to progress nearly as much in music. It's a lot harder to do self-study in music than it is in programming.
I'm going to start seeing a psychologist next month to try to work through these issues that I feel are blocking me, so I hope that will help.