As I said before, you don't need to live life without an ego. You just need to develop a healthy one. The ego in the way you talk about it is our source of power--the part that lets us feel good about ourselves and get what we want out of life.
But when we have an unhealthy ego, we expect more from other people (or the universe in general) and less from ourselves.
When I got home, I cried so much. I thought I was done for... the only thing which had some sort of meaning in my life was almost gone - the ability to pursue a relationship with her.
This, right here, is a problem.
Don't ever live for another person or for the purpose of being with another person. Live for yourself, simply to live and create a life you're happy with.
The biggest injustice you can ever do to yourself is putting your purpose and meaning into another human being.
In fact, it's also a great injustice to that human being. Talk about pressure.
You can't be your own person if your life is founded upon someone else. That's co-dependence. It's rampant in our society too--we're taught to think it's normal and healthy to live for other people and to confuse them for pieces of ourselves.
It's not. It's unhealthy for both parties.
So you've broken it down: you want to be an interesting and outgoing person.
Don't do that for her or the people around you. Do it for you. If you do it for her and they or she disappears from your life, you're left with nothing
. This is the reason it's unhealthy to put our purpose into other human beings.
So figure out how to do that. Find models. Find out what people you
find interesting are doing that you aren't. What makes a person interesting to you? What can you take about those traits and apply to yourself?
Learning to be outgoing is about building up your self-esteem and not caring about people's opinions and judgments because you're confident in your own being. That doesn't mean being inconsiderate or totally dismissing them though. There's a balance.