Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Internet, Video Games and Social Interaction

eliaino · 05-13-2009, 06:05 PM

Hello, I have a question.

I have some problems talking to new people and making friends. People tell me I can be charming, but I think I was improperly socialized as a kid. Be that as it may, I'd like to improve in this area--but I have trouble working up confidence. Even when I know, mentally, that the other person can't hurt me or, worst case scenario, nothing will happen, I still have a hard time working up the initiative to talk to them.

I should add that I'm 22 years old. Many people my age--not all, but many--seem like they spend a lot of time socializing on the internet, rather than building real-world connections. The thing is, I hate socializing on the internet. I find it no substitute for face-to-face communication. In truth I avoid using the internet more than twice a week, so it's hard for me to get "in sync" with other people my age--e.g. they'll send me a message expecting a reply in ten minutes; I'll reply in ten days.

I don't do this because I want to be rude; I just spend most of my time off-line. I used to spend lots of time online, but hated it, and found it a poor substitute (see above). Somehow though this creates a negative feedback loop: people invite me to parties, but I don't respond, so they stop inviting me, and so on. Even older people do this too. I'm sure though that my actions come across as rude. But what am I supposed to do about that?

Someone recommended I play a video game, like the Sims, which mimics social interaction so I can "become comfortable" with it. Do you think this is a good idea? I used to play the Sims, but I don't know if it helped me socially. I don't think so, anyway--and it took up a lot of time.

I'd like to meet people in a higher state of awareness, but I'm not sure how. Help would be appreciated.

05-13-2009, 06:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
eliaino Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 26	Internet, Video Games and Social Interaction Hello, I have a question. I have some problems talking to new people and making friends. People tell me I can be charming, but I think I was improperly socialized as a kid. Be that as it may, I'd like to improve in this area--but I have trouble working up confidence. Even when I know, mentally, that the other person can't hurt me or, worst case scenario, nothing will happen, I still have a hard time working up the initiative to talk to them. I should add that I'm 22 years old. Many people my age--not all, but many--seem like they spend a lot of time socializing on the internet, rather than building real-world connections. The thing is, I hate socializing on the internet. I find it no substitute for face-to-face communication. In truth I avoid using the internet more than twice a week, so it's hard for me to get "in sync" with other people my age--e.g. they'll send me a message expecting a reply in ten minutes; I'll reply in ten days. I don't do this because I want to be rude; I just spend most of my time off-line. I used to spend lots of time online, but hated it, and found it a poor substitute (see above). Somehow though this creates a negative feedback loop: people invite me to parties, but I don't respond, so they stop inviting me, and so on. Even older people do this too. I'm sure though that my actions come across as rude. But what am I supposed to do about that? Someone recommended I play a video game, like the Sims, which mimics social interaction so I can "become comfortable" with it. Do you think this is a good idea? I used to play the Sims, but I don't know if it helped me socially. I don't think so, anyway--and it took up a lot of time. I'd like to meet people in a higher state of awareness, but I'm not sure how. Help would be appreciated.