First things first.. no shower BAH!! Would be a dealbreaker for me too, and also the sigarettes everywhere... BAH!
About the sex and dressing up issue.
Of course, I donīt have all the details, but below is what usually is the situation:
It has nothing to do with you, and with you maybe not being good enough. Most people have their little fantasies that they like to fulfill. Every person should be happy if their partner can trust them enough to open up and to tell them these things.
It also does not mean that you have to do this for him all the time. You can have "normal" sex with sweet touchy feely stuff and every now and than you surprise him and dress up.
The good thing is that you can also ask him to do the same for you. If you find it really really hot that he.. well showers for example, ask him to do this for you.
Just because there are people who like things a little different in the bedroom does not make them freaks or people who need fixing or that it has to be their way or the highway. Most people who have a fetish are very well aware that this is their fetish and that they are lucky if they find that special partner who will endulge them every now and then.
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