Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - i'm really tripped up about her and what she's doing/said!

Foggy · 05-11-2009, 04:29 AM

I was in a similar situation and I shut the girl out of my life completely. Her new relationship was short lived and after a long healing process we've gotten back together and are trying to make things work again. I still have quite a few unresolved emotions about the time period and I sometimes wonder if I should have taken her back, but we're actually doing quite well now with only a couple snags, one of them being the unresolved problems from that.

Here's the thing. If you let her stay in your life, even if you want her back, you're meeting all her needs and none of your own. Be a little selfish. I'm actually not sure if I ever would've gotten back with my ex if I hadn't completely shut her out of my life. I provided her something that her new relationship couldn't because the new guy, like your gf's new guy, didn't necessarily have the best qualities for a boyfriend. When I shut her out and remained cold to her she realized that the only way she could have her needs met was by breaking up with the new guy and coming back to me. If I had continued being there for her I'm not sure she ever would've had to make that choice and probably would have stayed with the new guy as long as she could while stringing me along. The fact that she tried to manipulate me like this is one of the greatest hang ups for me in our relationship, and I recommend that you do some soul searching to decide if you even want to be back in a relationship with someone who would do that to you. If the option is available to you I would not only remove all contact with her but look into dating other people (not necessarily seriously, just casual dates, anything to keep your options open) and put a lot of thought into whether or not she's actually someone you would want to take back if you had the opportunity. At the same time this will increase her chances of coming back if that's still what you want.

05-11-2009, 04:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
Foggy Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Maine Posts: 254	I was in a similar situation and I shut the girl out of my life completely. Her new relationship was short lived and after a long healing process we've gotten back together and are trying to make things work again. I still have quite a few unresolved emotions about the time period and I sometimes wonder if I should have taken her back, but we're actually doing quite well now with only a couple snags, one of them being the unresolved problems from that. Here's the thing. If you let her stay in your life, even if you want her back, you're meeting all her needs and none of your own. Be a little selfish. I'm actually not sure if I ever would've gotten back with my ex if I hadn't completely shut her out of my life. I provided her something that her new relationship couldn't because the new guy, like your gf's new guy, didn't necessarily have the best qualities for a boyfriend. When I shut her out and remained cold to her she realized that the only way she could have her needs met was by breaking up with the new guy and coming back to me. If I had continued being there for her I'm not sure she ever would've had to make that choice and probably would have stayed with the new guy as long as she could while stringing me along. The fact that she tried to manipulate me like this is one of the greatest hang ups for me in our relationship, and I recommend that you do some soul searching to decide if you even want to be back in a relationship with someone who would do that to you. If the option is available to you I would not only remove all contact with her but look into dating other people (not necessarily seriously, just casual dates, anything to keep your options open) and put a lot of thought into whether or not she's actually someone you would want to take back if you had the opportunity. At the same time this will increase her chances of coming back if that's still what you want.