Quote:
Originally Posted by Angela  Lacinato mentioned conventional or stereotypical attraction, not physical desirability. She/he said she/he doesn't feel bad for the "supposedly "nice" guys who can't get a date with a conventionally attractive woman--I think they might find more success if their criteria were a little less vapid," I agree with her/him.
Men may be hardwired to be attracted to women they find physically desirable, but the men who buy into a convention of what is and what isn't physically desirable, rather than tuning in to their own natural desire, are SOL. They start believing they *should* (or *shouldn't*) be with a woman who looks a certain way, that he *deserves* it (or doesn't), or that being with a woman who looks a certain way raises or lowers his perceived value among other men and other potential mates. The "nice" guys who believe those thoughts and complain that they can't get a date seem a little pathetic to me, because they don't realize it's their own thoughts that keep them from being present to authentic desire. There's little quite as sad as being the victim of your own beliefs.
And women do the same thing, too, just not always with looks -- I think more often with money or status. |
I don't think the problem for the "nice guys" has much to do with who they are attracted to.
The problem with the nice guys (remember, when I say "nice guy" here I mean the overcompensating type, not "good men"....just to be clear about that) is that they believe they can "win" attraction. That they aren't being TRULY nice. They are being nice thinking that by being nice they will get what they want...which, ultimately, makes them manipulative.
They also are insecure in that they fear risk. Instead of making their desires known upfront within the first interactions, they hide their sexuality (out of either fear of shame) and try to live up to some disney princess fantasy of what a man should be (you know, the kind of men that women SAY they want, but don't actually want).
Essentially, then, the "nice guy" isn't nice at all. He is manipulative, controlling, and insecure. And women can sniff that out from a mile away, which is why they aren't attracted to them.