[straysweeper]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Why?

If I'm not using my time well, then I might as well be doing something for someone else, than wasting it? At least that is how my mind works, but in reality, I have been told in someway shape or form that I should act certain ways. As for Mary, I am staying with her, while not drawing an income. So its kind of a trade.

I don't quite understand the last bit about not being different in this manner? What sort of unconscious needs are you referring to? If they're not private, feel free to answer those questions.

They want love and connection, so by perhaps taking advantage of my nature, or my situation they are getting this need filled. At least this is thought that came to mind, as Mary lost her son a few years ago to cancer.

Or they have not had sufficient incentive to change yet, cause you've always been there to pick up the pieces. People sometimes need to hit rock bottom before they learn and understand the hidden strength within them. Want me to pull out people with all sorts of disabilities who are doing great and their spirit makes me cry? How about treatment methods for chronic pain patients?

The people you've mentioned are no different, they just haven't discovered that inner strength.

I see truth in this, as I was away for a few years, my mom wasn't really part of my life save for the occasional phone call. And mostly when I'd call it was still the same. Complaining, Aches and Pains. In a sense this is why I think about going someplace different.

What do you feel is your responsibility in this situation?

I know my responsibility is to become stronger. Because I see their problems, I should learn from their mistakes. My mom's lack of health, happiness, financies, and overall meaning in her life outside her problems. Even though it pains me to say it, I was happier when I wasn't around it all the time. Perhaps that makes me selfish. At least that is how they sometimes make me feel for not calling.

At the end of the day, I have nothing really in common with my mom, mary, or my sister (another story) as far as I've been able to deduce. For the most part they have no interest, or just simply passive interest to hear me talk about it.

I want to say, they all want me to succeed but when actions are required, they want to do what they think versus what I think I need help with. My brother is notorious of this. After thinking this, I looked at it and also saw that I want to succeed but fail when comes to the actions needed.

And yes, yes it is very painful.

Mhm.

It takes two to tango, and it'd be best if you clarified your role in this tango. Obviously you care, but do you think you'd feel like a bad person if you didn't help them out? How do you feel about boundaries? Have you set any?

I haven't set boundaries, but my means of establishing or enforcing those boundaries are a bit precarious. So, my focus needs to be on the actions of creating and enforcing these boundaries.