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Originally Posted by straysweeper  These people have so many problems, they need help and they ask me for things, and yet I don't have something really better to do to tell them no. So, I do feel obligated. |
Why?
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Wolf, your post really makes me look at things from a different angle. Not quite the angle you are referring to, but still different none the less. The unconscious methods people try to get their needs, and such. It does fit in some ways. But I'd probably be somewhat no different in this manor.
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I don't quite understand the last bit about not being different in this manner? What sort of unconscious needs are you referring to? If they're not private, feel free to answer those questions.
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Its not so much as it seems that they are helpless, but that is how they make me feel. Mary will go without eating vs dealing with pain to get up and walk into the kitchen. While my mom feels trapped in her situation via other means. In a sense it goes to more or less tolerating or accepting there situations as finite and never going to change.
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Or they have not had sufficient incentive to change yet, cause you've always been there to pick up the pieces. People sometimes need to hit rock bottom before they learn and understand the hidden strength within them. Want me to pull out people with all sorts of disabilities who are doing great and their spirit makes me cry? How about treatment methods for chronic pain patients?
The people you've mentioned are no different, they just haven't discovered that inner strength.
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I just had somewhat of an argument with my mom whom started having problems 8 years ago, but never really did much to 1) learn about her condition, and 2) take steps to prevent it. Always claiming needing help and such.
In the end its painful to see people you care about unwilling to change the way they do things so they don't have to go through pain. Yet, what I find most irritating in them, lies within me. I just am lacking in identifying and dealing with things in an effective and progressive manor.
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What do you feel is your responsibility in this situation?
And yes, yes it is very painful.
It takes two to tango, and it'd be best if you clarified your role in this tango. Obviously you care, but do you think you'd feel like a bad person if you didn't help them out? How do you feel about boundaries? Have you set any?