Hi Blatant,
Are you male or female? I'm not sure from your post.
You seem to have a lot of fear about being attractive to men. I'm assuming that there was nothing inappropriate about the gestures these men made to you and were the kinds of gestures that show genuine interest in someone. What made them so scary to you that you had to reject them?
I got the feeling that it wsn't from just lack of interest, (i.e. not because you didn't fancy them, but because you were overwhelmed) what do you think lead you to be emotionally overwhelmed?
I can see why you want to access that state again, but the idea that you can't be attractive to men is obviously causing you a lot of stress and anxiety. How you would feel about clearing some of that stress and anxiety around the issue and learning some empowering strategies that mean you manage the additional attention with clear boundaries about what you personally find acceptable? Would that be more desirable than thinking "I just never want to ever become attracted to another person like that ever again, or have them feel the same way towards me." because living with that thought sounds very stressful to me! Who would you be without that thought?
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