Quote:
Originally Posted by James81  For example, I've noticed that *I* find myself attracted to these crazy psycho-type girls who are going through rough patches in their relationships, are married or have boyfriends who don't treat them right, but are completely wild and free thinkers, who experience the world through intense emotion.
After some introspection, I discovered that I was attracted to these types of women because they were emotionally unavailable to me. After digging deeper, I realized that that was because I grew up in a house with emotionally unavailable parents and that experiencing emotion isn't something that I am comfortable with nor is getting close to people. So I seek out these wildly emotional and broken women because it allows me to keep my own emotions at bay (by helping THEM deal with THEIR emotions) and I don't have to get close. |
Yeah, I'm one of those broken, overly emotional women, but rather than being a wild, free thinker, instead I have an overactive nurture gland, which is why I'm attracted to men who are also broken. My mother and grandmothers were bossy, selfish, manipulative creatures, and my father and the one grandfather I knew were completely unavailable and the primary givers of punishment. My parents still believe I learned how to fake tears at a young age, because once I started crying about something I couldn't stop. I was constantly accused of being manipulative when I was genuinely upset, and even as an adult I still get accused of that, when I let anyone see it. As a small child I was frequently punished for not stopping crying, and this only taught me that I shouldn't let people know I was upset by something.
I also have a tendency to feel closer to people than they feel to me, as a result of my ability to form intense attachments easily. This also makes it difficult to hang onto friends, for various reasons. Either I come on too strong for their liking, or I consciously try not to and they think I'm not interested (I find that everything I do seems to be like a firehose: either full blast or not at all, and I haven't yet found anyone at all who can handle me full blast in large doses). The flipside of this is that I am a terrible judge of whether or not people are interested in me, because normal-person signals come in below my radar. So while I do have confirmation in many cases that there was no attraction from people I was attracted to, it's possible that the only times I notice attraction coming from someone else is when it comes in the firehose manner that I display myself.
But now I'm just rambling.
