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Originally Posted by Vermilion Sparrow  I'm 28 years old, and every time I have felt a strong attraction to someone, they have not shared it, with only two exceptions. The first was a much older man who was in the middle of a divorce at the time. I expressed my feelings about desiring to grow in a relationship, and he said he couldn't feel any emotional attachment to someone who wasn't a "whole person" yet, whatever that means. The second was someone whose life was in shambles at the time, and he latched on to the fact that I wanted my own child and he already had two kids and didn't want to make his "freedom date" any later than it already was (also, lots of negative energy there--I still talk to him, and he's sorted things out a bit since then, but if he'd still have me it'd be a big compromise). |
In the first case, the guy was projecting his insecurities onto you. In the second case, you were simply incompatible. That's just 2 guys out of 3 billion though, so it's not a hopeless case just yet.
What I find interesting is that the only 2 guys you've felt intense attraction to were both guys who had their lives in shambles. What does that say about you? (that's a rhetorical question, and not intended to be offensive or anything like that...just trying to make you think)
For example, I've noticed that *I* find myself attracted to these crazy psycho-type girls who are going through rough patches in their relationships, are married or have boyfriends who don't treat them right, but are completely wild and free thinkers, who experience the world through intense emotion.
After some introspection, I discovered that I was attracted to these types of women because they were emotionally unavailable to me. After digging deeper, I realized that that was because I grew up in a house with emotionally unavailable parents and that experiencing emotion isn't something that I am comfortable with nor is getting close to people. So I seek out these wildly emotional and broken women because it allows me to keep my own emotions at bay (by helping THEM deal with THEIR emotions) and I don't have to get close.
I encourage you to do a similar introspection and see what you come up with.
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Originally Posted by Vermilion Sparrow By now I have to face the fact that I am nearly 30, and my dreams of finding a companion to grow and share with in any formative way are practically nil. Sure, if I ever do find someone it can still be meaningful, but it doesn't seem like I can have someone help me grow in the beautiful way that I always wanted, because by my age everyone already expects a "whole person" (again, whatever that means). I hate doing it all on my own; I spend more time lost and confused than anything else, but I'm beginning to realize that if I don't start to grow on my own, I probably won't do it. |
Look at it this way....in 2 years you're still going to be 30. You can either be 30 and alone or you can be 30 and with someone. It's never, EVER too late to go after the things you want. The only things that change over time are the obstacles keeping you from what you want. And those obstacles are just that...obstacles. They aren't things that make it impossible. They are mountains for you to climb. Stop trying to MOVE your mountains and start CLIMBING them.
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Originally Posted by Vermilion Sparrow And then I got this far into writing this and forgot what my point was going to be. Oh well. |
Heh, well subconsciously this WAS your point...to reach out to us. Welcome to the boards. Glad to have you here.
