It was this line that got me: "The nice thing about improving through a relationship (as opposed to improving
for a relationship) is that you get to enjoy life with your very best personal coach at your side. Instead of growing to get the relationship, you experience growth because of the relationship."
That line describes exactly what I've always known, what I've always wanted for myself. I've spent the last decade spinning my wheels because I feel like I can't start my life without someone to share it with.
I'm 28 years old, and every time I have felt a strong attraction to someone, they have not shared it, with only two exceptions. The first was a much older man who was in the middle of a divorce at the time. I expressed my feelings about desiring to grow in a relationship, and he said he couldn't feel any emotional attachment to someone who wasn't a "whole person" yet, whatever that means. The second was someone whose life was in shambles at the time, and he latched on to the fact that I wanted my own child and he already had two kids and didn't want to make his "freedom date" any later than it already was (also, lots of negative energy there--I still talk to him, and he's sorted things out a bit since then, but if he'd still have me it'd be a big compromise).
By now I have to face the fact that I am nearly 30, and my dreams of finding a companion to grow and share with in any formative way are practically nil. Sure, if I ever do find someone it can still be meaningful, but it doesn't seem like I can have someone help me grow in the beautiful way that I always wanted, because by my age everyone already expects a "whole person" (again, whatever that means). I hate doing it all on my own; I spend more time lost and confused than anything else, but I'm beginning to realize that if I don't start to grow on my own, I probably won't do it.
And then I got this far into writing this and forgot what my point was going to be. Oh well.
