games and interactions control every human's life to some extent. We are mammals that live in groups.
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Originally Posted by Brutha  The added insecurity would still increase the problem instead of decrease it.
It's not about being upset but about letting those things control your life. |
But if the problem is someone's wandering eye, the insecurity (and vocalization of that insecurity) just expresses to the other person, that there a problem. For example, I have a committed monogamous relationship of a few years. I have grown and become less insecure. I have access to his call records online (he's under my cellphone plan) but I don't check them, or worry obsessively about his coworkers or whoever. I have elected that (at this point in my life) I would like to share myself intimately with one person and have them do the same. He wants the same thing. (You can connect with someone without getting physical.) Over time we have both earned eachothers trust by not "cheating."
I like that he's not paranoid if I go hang out with a male friend. BUT if I had a friend that openly expressed their imtimate intentions, AND I led them on by being flirty (like I would with a potential partner,) AND I started preferring to spend time with them over my partner---his insecurities would be justified. The fact that he has these feelings and expresses them to me wouldn't be the problem---the problem would be that we were in conflict over my actions. In that scenario, one way I could play it would be to get mad AT HIM for "not trusting me." IF I was doing something that violated the pact of our relationship, AND he was not cool with it, 1) I could either hide it from him. 2) Turn it around and make him the bad guy. 3) Be open about my feelings, Accept that he has the choice to decide that he is not interested in an open relationship, and look elsewhere.........
On the flip side- Let's say I get insecure over a perceived threat and he didn't violate our terms. I'm just jealous because he emails and old girlfriend. THEN my insecurity is the root problem! He's not doing anything wrong and I am being too possessive. This is violating him because he should have the freedom to have other platonic friendships.
If he's telling her how attractive she is and how much he misses their sexlife, then my insecurity over this may erupt into a fight, but innately, I don't see a problem with me being insecure. He may not be getting physical with her, but he is showing that perhaps, he wants to get physical with someone else.
You may have a different lifestyle, Brutha. And if It's not something that would make you jealous, go for it! Be free. But you can't tell someone to accept something they don't want because it is a more enlightened way of thinking. And if someones actions are a dealbreaker for you, leave. ANOTHER WAY PEOPLE HAVE SCARCITY THINKING IS FEELING THEY WONT HAVE ANYONE ELSE TO LOVE IF THEY LEAVE A PARTNER THAT DOESNT MAKE THEM HAPPY. They don't like the situation, but are too afraid just to let go- because uh, oh- they might not find another semigood one.
(I just felt like posting. Again, not trying to offend anyone with my viewpoints.)