Originally Posted by ginkgo
You are in the same boat that everyone else is in. You are looking for happiness and without it there appears to be no reason to live. But that is the reason to be alive-- to find it. To learn how to do that, see this site about finding happiness in an unhappy world. Finding the ultimate happiness so you can feel perfect peace and limlitless happiness while alive is called Enlightenment.
You want to die to end your suffereing. You should end your suffering while you are alive since dying will not end it. You will just be dead and suffering. Buddha said that enlightenment is the end of suffering. Your purpose in life is not to fix your flaws and be perfect. Who is perfect? What is your purpose? Here are quotes from above site:
"How to gain, how to keep, and how to recover happiness is in fact for most men at all times the secret motive for all they do."
William James, MD (one of the most prominent psychologists-- graduated Harvard Medical School)
"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
Aristotle (Aristotle is one of the most important founding figures in Western philosophy.)
"Happiness, though an indefinite concept, is the goal of all rational beings."
Immanuel Kant (philosopher, Wikipedia says "He is regarded as one of the most influential thinkers of modern Europe and of the late Enlightenment.")
"It appeared to me obvious that the happiness of mankind should be the aim of all action, and I discovered to my surprise that there were those who thought otherwise."
Bertrand Russell (Wikipedia says "Russell was an influential philosopher and mathematician." His books "have had a considerable influence on logic, mathematics, set theory, linguistics and analytic philosophy.")
I read the first part... I didn't really like it. Most of this eastern philosophy stuff seems to be disconnected with reality. And I dislike that. Although I do like the idea of inner peace, that is, finding happiness inside of you and not depending on outside sources for that.
Originally Posted by Hollistic Star
You do know what you need to do. You have the answer. It might be buried deep, but it is there.
You might be scared to admit it - but you do know what you need to do.
Clue - it's probably the thing you are most resisting. Ask yourself. What am I most resisiting doing or being? That's where your answer is.
Be brave, be courageous, and face up to that answer.
It sounds tough, but this is one of those things you have to work out for yourself. When you've got it, come back and tell us what your first step is and we'll support you for that step, and each step after.
I... have no idea. If you were right, it would be socializing with people, and that doesn't really make sense. Then again I don't rationally resist that, my anxiety does it.
I think I'm slowly losing all ambition too. Probably because I realized the pointlesness of it all.