Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - I Need Urgent Help Before I Mess Up Big Time

Nimo · 05-07-2009, 06:24 AM

@ GR, thanks for 'allowing me to feel insecure'... I have known this guy for 1.5years now and most of these friends he has had for a little longer than 1.5 years while some he has known for over 2 years. There's a particular chic who is way older than him (he's 28, she's 35) and they've worked together and co-own a company. He swears he would never touch her...what bothers me about her is that they spend alot of time together. She is athletic like him so they'll go out hiking when she comes to town (she's a foreigner). Since they co- own a company, they communicate alot on phone, email and FB. My worry spans from their shared interests of sport, community work and the outdoors. He says she is emotionally and physically strong (She's a cop). I have absolutely no love for the outdoors. I have never met her and do not care to. She knows am in a romantic relationship with him and could be the only woman who respects that.

The other lives in his home area and according to him, she is like a younger sister. He was friend's with her before we ever met. He says that if it was her he wanted, I would never have come into the picture and if I would and he changed his mind, I wouldn't be here still. Makes sense.

The other bunch is his classmates. They spend too much time together in discussion groups, class meetings, club trips, club meetings and of course in lectures and it pisses me off. He has often canceled dates with me because of an impromtu class or discussion. Argh!!!

I sometimes have an overwhelming feeling that he still has a thing going with his ex GF with whom he has a child. He loves his son and I would never ask him not to visit or spend time. What bothers me is that the baby mama will not allow him access to the boy if she knows that he's in a relationship with someone else. According to him, she is conniving. When we started going out, we talked about her and he called her an INCORRIGIBLE ♥♥♥♥♥!! They parted on nasty terms but 'relate' because of the child. If it wasn't for the baby, he says he wouldn't ever communicate with her. I am in similar situation, I wrote off my son's father a long time ago and cannot even stand him. When he comes around, i get physically sick but have to 'stand' him for the sake of my boy. I know it is possible to write off a person who was previously dear but...I can't seem to get a grip on his situation...She doesn''t like me, I feel approximately nothing for her.

That's about it, any other woman doesn't really rub me the wrong way. He has had slip ups (UNFORGIVEN to date) with one of his classmates but he apologized for it..Hmn! To be totally honest, I've had slip ups of my own, some deliberate. I may add that, i've not been very easy to be with over the last year and a half. I've accused him wrongly many times, caused him immense pain with words and actions and been generally selfish...he is still here. Just yesterday, we had an argument infront of one of his classmates and he took it badly but he realized that he had played a part in making the argument explode like it did. For the first time in a very very long time, he called to apologize for hurting my feelings. Am still reeling from the effects of the apology.hehe..

He's a flirt am yet to find out what he gets from it because our sex life is better than most, am as intelligent as he is and physically, well, am not miss world but i can pull of a regional beauty peagent. He's personality is a mixed grill of sorts,at times he'll sit and observe and will barely utter a word especially if the environment is new but generally, he will talk a CEO into creating a position in the company for him whether it is relevant to the company or not. He has the sweetest tongue & that's scary.

I have many reasons to doubt and suspect him but have many reasons to trust him. He provides for me and is still with me despite all else. He's not the type to tolerate unnecessary discomfort which is what i've dished out for the longest time now. Why does he stay? Am not extra ordinary.

He is a good man, am good most of the time but we collide on many fronts. He has had many opportunities to end this relationship (and so have I) but we've stayed on. I believe that a relationship should not be so much work..We both have been cheated on and hurt before, we've had a fairly rough child hood in our own right and have done things in the past that we are not proud of. We agreed to turn over a new leaf together..in his words, 'our lives are like a dirty book with a few clean pages so we staple together the dirty pages and flip over to a clean fresh page'. That's where we are at.
Starting over afresh.

I cannot promise that I will not be insecure but I will try my best to be objective. He cannot promise to do away with his friends and I must learn to respect these and many other friendships to come. He keeps telling me that not all women see him as I see him. Not all women are interested in him the way I am interested in him and most importantly, no other woman means as much to him as I do. He says that the quality he loves most about me is that am, for a lack of a better word, territorial..that I 'guard' him fiercely and keep him in check which could only mean that I care. I suspect his ex was a taker, most girls in his life have taken and taken, am naturally I give. I hand out DRAMA with the same ease I give love and affection.

Yeah, am right to be insecure...he is a GOD-SENT pain in the arse but it is this pain in the arse that I want...at least for now. I LOVE YOU BABE.

05-07-2009, 06:24 AM	#18 (permalink)
Nimo Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Kenya Posts: 60	Wtf!!! @ GR, thanks for 'allowing me to feel insecure'... I have known this guy for 1.5years now and most of these friends he has had for a little longer than 1.5 years while some he has known for over 2 years. There's a particular chic who is way older than him (he's 28, she's 35) and they've worked together and co-own a company. He swears he would never touch her...what bothers me about her is that they spend alot of time together. She is athletic like him so they'll go out hiking when she comes to town (she's a foreigner). Since they co- own a company, they communicate alot on phone, email and FB. My worry spans from their shared interests of sport, community work and the outdoors. He says she is emotionally and physically strong (She's a cop). I have absolutely no love for the outdoors. I have never met her and do not care to. She knows am in a romantic relationship with him and could be the only woman who respects that. The other lives in his home area and according to him, she is like a younger sister. He was friend's with her before we ever met. He says that if it was her he wanted, I would never have come into the picture and if I would and he changed his mind, I wouldn't be here still. Makes sense. The other bunch is his classmates. They spend too much time together in discussion groups, class meetings, club trips, club meetings and of course in lectures and it pisses me off. He has often canceled dates with me because of an impromtu class or discussion. Argh!!! I sometimes have an overwhelming feeling that he still has a thing going with his ex GF with whom he has a child. He loves his son and I would never ask him not to visit or spend time. What bothers me is that the baby mama will not allow him access to the boy if she knows that he's in a relationship with someone else. According to him, she is conniving. When we started going out, we talked about her and he called her an INCORRIGIBLE ♥♥♥♥♥!! They parted on nasty terms but 'relate' because of the child. If it wasn't for the baby, he says he wouldn't ever communicate with her. I am in similar situation, I wrote off my son's father a long time ago and cannot even stand him. When he comes around, i get physically sick but have to 'stand' him for the sake of my boy. I know it is possible to write off a person who was previously dear but...I can't seem to get a grip on his situation...She doesn''t like me, I feel approximately nothing for her. That's about it, any other woman doesn't really rub me the wrong way. He has had slip ups (UNFORGIVEN to date) with one of his classmates but he apologized for it..Hmn! To be totally honest, I've had slip ups of my own, some deliberate. I may add that, i've not been very easy to be with over the last year and a half. I've accused him wrongly many times, caused him immense pain with words and actions and been generally selfish...he is still here. Just yesterday, we had an argument infront of one of his classmates and he took it badly but he realized that he had played a part in making the argument explode like it did. For the first time in a very very long time, he called to apologize for hurting my feelings. Am still reeling from the effects of the apology.hehe.. He's a flirt am yet to find out what he gets from it because our sex life is better than most, am as intelligent as he is and physically, well, am not miss world but i can pull of a regional beauty peagent. He's personality is a mixed grill of sorts,at times he'll sit and observe and will barely utter a word especially if the environment is new but generally, he will talk a CEO into creating a position in the company for him whether it is relevant to the company or not. He has the sweetest tongue & that's scary. I have many reasons to doubt and suspect him but have many reasons to trust him. He provides for me and is still with me despite all else. He's not the type to tolerate unnecessary discomfort which is what i've dished out for the longest time now. Why does he stay? Am not extra ordinary. He is a good man, am good most of the time but we collide on many fronts. He has had many opportunities to end this relationship (and so have I) but we've stayed on. I believe that a relationship should not be so much work..We both have been cheated on and hurt before, we've had a fairly rough child hood in our own right and have done things in the past that we are not proud of. We agreed to turn over a new leaf together..in his words, 'our lives are like a dirty book with a few clean pages so we staple together the dirty pages and flip over to a clean fresh page'. That's where we are at. Starting over afresh. I cannot promise that I will not be insecure but I will try my best to be objective. He cannot promise to do away with his friends and I must learn to respect these and many other friendships to come. He keeps telling me that not all women see him as I see him. Not all women are interested in him the way I am interested in him and most importantly, no other woman means as much to him as I do. He says that the quality he loves most about me is that am, for a lack of a better word, territorial..that I 'guard' him fiercely and keep him in check which could only mean that I care. I suspect his ex was a taker, most girls in his life have taken and taken, am naturally I give. I hand out DRAMA with the same ease I give love and affection. Yeah, am right to be insecure...he is a GOD-SENT pain in the arse but it is this pain in the arse that I want...at least for now. I LOVE YOU BABE.