Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - My BF left me Sunday! I'm heartbroken! HELP!!

VetTechJess · 05-06-2009, 04:04 PM

I have no idea what to do. I am moving back to georgia sometime next week. my BF said that we need to "separate and lead our own lives for awhile" and that "its just not working out right now." He also said that strangely enough, that he's not calling it quits on the relationship.

I noticed something when he got his internet phone about 2 months ago. unlimited internet, etc. He began to be secretive with his cell phone. It then led me to look thru his phone--I found racy text messages from random numbers from men. I would ask him about it and he would say he didn't reply to those like that. (the message i saw, a guy said he was touching himself and my bf replied "oh".)

He said that my "seeing things and thinking things that are not true" is one of the reasons we need to separate for awhile. But then again my take on it is, with seeing text messages like that, wtf am I supposed to think?!?!?! I also found evidence of him being in gay chatrooms and I found a penis pic on h is phone which when I asked him about it he said he sent it to me but I went CSI on him and went online to check my phone records and I have no records of ever having received it!!!

Worse thing is, theres a child on the way, as I am 6 months pregnant. I don't know what to do--I can only get him for child support after the baby is born,which I fully intend to do.

He said sunday night that he wasnt in love with me anymore, and the strange thing is, he also mentioned that he never experienced true love and doesn't even know if true love even exists!?!? Does this signify a much DEEPER issue that has NOTHING to do with ME???

Yet the next day he came by the house to get some clothes--a friend told me he may be coming--so I rounded up his clothes and medicine all in one hamper and set them aside thinking he would just take them and leave.

Another strange thing happened: He put the medicine back on his desk, fished thru and picked out ONE pair of uniforms for work, changed clothes, took ONE pill from his desk of his medicine, took those pills, and left! Why didn't he take all of his clothes if he was so intent on leaving?!?!?!?!?!

He told me that he had cried on sunday night after I left cause he was upset and everything--so what does that mean--for someone who apparently has no love for me whatsoever, why would he be hurting?!?!?!

Sunday night he mentioned that he had supposedly been molested by his grandfather--but he was too young to remember--but what he does remember is that his older sister was molested by her grandfather--both the same man. I also know that his mother and grandmother abused him when he was little.

All these things are really confusing and contradicting!! Is it really about me or does it have nothing to do with me as to the fact that he wants a separation?!?!?!

What led up to this is he went to a gay bar this past weekend--on friday night he went but he didnt tell me he was going--come home drunk at 3 or 4am. needless to say I was a nervous wreck calling the police and the emergency rooms--

saturday night was the straw that broke the camels back...

He told me this time he was going out to the gay bar for a drink or two. I called him at about 4am and he was too drunk to drive home. So I went and picked him up at around 0430. I didn't notice till the next day that he had a hickey on his neck!! I know that I didn't give it to him!! So I asked him to explain and he said he drank till he passed out on the couch upstairs at the club, and when he woke up there was 2 girls sitting on the same couch laughing--and thats all he remembers. I told him being that drunk is no excuse. A likely story but needless to say I didn't believe a word of it--though he was drunk when he had told me this too--and you know the old saying "In Wine There Is Truth"...but still the same...

He maintains that story--he also said a drunk gay guy tried to kiss him but that my bf almost punched him in the face.--he maintains that story--

I am still in CSI mode right now so I call the gay club and ask--they tell me to call back friday and talk to the upstairs bartender--who has been a bartender for 25 years and is REALLY good with names. They also said that they will talk to their security to see if they found anyone passed out drunk on the couch and if they had to separate anyone from an almost fight since they rarely have problems with that.

The people at the gay bar told me that they had 720 ppl that weekend and that they have an equal amount of both gays and straight ppl that go in there. They also said that the gay guys also dont normally try to kiss the straight guys-- but we'll see.

I need some advice and comfort NOW!!! MY HEART IS BREAKING AND IS TORN AND IS RIPPED TO SHREDS!!!!!

05-06-2009, 04:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
VetTechJess Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 277	My BF left me Sunday! I'm heartbroken! HELP!! I have no idea what to do. I am moving back to georgia sometime next week. my BF said that we need to "separate and lead our own lives for awhile" and that "its just not working out right now." He also said that strangely enough, that he's not calling it quits on the relationship. I noticed something when he got his internet phone about 2 months ago. unlimited internet, etc. He began to be secretive with his cell phone. It then led me to look thru his phone--I found racy text messages from random numbers from men. I would ask him about it and he would say he didn't reply to those like that. (the message i saw, a guy said he was touching himself and my bf replied "oh".) He said that my "seeing things and thinking things that are not true" is one of the reasons we need to separate for awhile. But then again my take on it is, with seeing text messages like that, wtf am I supposed to think?!?!?! I also found evidence of him being in gay chatrooms and I found a penis pic on h is phone which when I asked him about it he said he sent it to me but I went CSI on him and went online to check my phone records and I have no records of ever having received it!!! Worse thing is, theres a child on the way, as I am 6 months pregnant. I don't know what to do--I can only get him for child support after the baby is born,which I fully intend to do. He said sunday night that he wasnt in love with me anymore, and the strange thing is, he also mentioned that he never experienced true love and doesn't even know if true love even exists!?!? Does this signify a much DEEPER issue that has NOTHING to do with ME??? Yet the next day he came by the house to get some clothes--a friend told me he may be coming--so I rounded up his clothes and medicine all in one hamper and set them aside thinking he would just take them and leave. Another strange thing happened: He put the medicine back on his desk, fished thru and picked out ONE pair of uniforms for work, changed clothes, took ONE pill from his desk of his medicine, took those pills, and left! Why didn't he take all of his clothes if he was so intent on leaving?!?!?!?!?! He told me that he had cried on sunday night after I left cause he was upset and everything--so what does that mean--for someone who apparently has no love for me whatsoever, why would he be hurting?!?!?! Sunday night he mentioned that he had supposedly been molested by his grandfather--but he was too young to remember--but what he does remember is that his older sister was molested by her grandfather--both the same man. I also know that his mother and grandmother abused him when he was little. All these things are really confusing and contradicting!! Is it really about me or does it have nothing to do with me as to the fact that he wants a separation?!?!?! What led up to this is he went to a gay bar this past weekend--on friday night he went but he didnt tell me he was going--come home drunk at 3 or 4am. needless to say I was a nervous wreck calling the police and the emergency rooms-- saturday night was the straw that broke the camels back... He told me this time he was going out to the gay bar for a drink or two. I called him at about 4am and he was too drunk to drive home. So I went and picked him up at around 0430. I didn't notice till the next day that he had a hickey on his neck!! I know that I didn't give it to him!! So I asked him to explain and he said he drank till he passed out on the couch upstairs at the club, and when he woke up there was 2 girls sitting on the same couch laughing--and thats all he remembers. I told him being that drunk is no excuse. A likely story but needless to say I didn't believe a word of it--though he was drunk when he had told me this too--and you know the old saying "In Wine There Is Truth"...but still the same... He maintains that story--he also said a drunk gay guy tried to kiss him but that my bf almost punched him in the face.--he maintains that story-- I am still in CSI mode right now so I call the gay club and ask--they tell me to call back friday and talk to the upstairs bartender--who has been a bartender for 25 years and is REALLY good with names. They also said that they will talk to their security to see if they found anyone passed out drunk on the couch and if they had to separate anyone from an almost fight since they rarely have problems with that. The people at the gay bar told me that they had 720 ppl that weekend and that they have an equal amount of both gays and straight ppl that go in there. They also said that the gay guys also dont normally try to kiss the straight guys-- but we'll see. I need some advice and comfort NOW!!! MY HEART IS BREAKING AND IS TORN AND IS RIPPED TO SHREDS!!!!!