[ginkgo]

You are in the same boat that everyone else is in. You are looking for happiness and without it there appears to be no reason to live. But that is the reason to be alive-- to find it. To learn how to do that, see this site about finding happiness in an unhappy world. Finding the ultimate happiness so you can feel perfect peace and limlitless happiness while alive is called Enlightenment.

You want to die to end your suffereing. You should end your suffering while you are alive since dying will not end it. You will just be dead and suffering. Buddha said that enlightenment is the end of suffering. Your purpose in life is not to fix your flaws and be perfect. Who is perfect? What is your purpose? Here are quotes from above site:

"How to gain, how to keep, and how to recover happiness is in fact for most men at all times the secret motive for all they do."
William James, MD (one of the most prominent psychologists-- graduated Harvard Medical School)

"Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
Aristotle (Aristotle is one of the most important founding figures in Western philosophy.)

"Happiness, though an indefinite concept, is the goal of all rational beings."
Immanuel Kant (philosopher, Wikipedia says "He is regarded as one of the most influential thinkers of modern Europe and of the late Enlightenment.")

"It appeared to me obvious that the happiness of mankind should be the aim of all action, and I discovered to my surprise that there were those who thought otherwise."
Bertrand Russell (Wikipedia says "Russell was an influential philosopher and mathematician." His books "have had a considerable influence on logic, mathematics, set theory, linguistics and analytic philosophy.")