[Elfwing]

Rather, I sent her a letter online because it's how we talk nowadays. We had been best of friends, and it just fell apart because of my issues and because of something else that happened.

We still kept in touch over a website we both go to, though there's still distance.

I also told her about my multiplicity, something which she had told me "wasn't real" and that I'd pretended to accept. I said sorry about how I treated her, and told her the truth. I let her know I wasn't expecting anything of it, though, that I didn't send it as a "let's be friends again" thing.

... And I'm really scared that she's going to just snort at me in disbelief, or get angry that I sent the letter. Actually, I'm terrified she'll get angry I sent it at all. I'm scared she'll get angry over the contents. Really, really scared. Years later, I still care about what she thinks more than a lot of people I know. I don't know how I'll respond if she gets angry.

I just posted this because of the fear, and that I could really use a hug. I hope I did the right thing. I'm scared that I didn't. I just felt those things couldn't be left unsaid.

If all else fails, then, well, I can just tell myself that she got a glimpse of the real me, and that if she doesn't like it, plainly we aren't compatible to talk anymore. That feels reassuring.