I think you are playing a game with us all. I'm going to call you on it because I don't even thing you realise you are playing it. I think you play it in your own head, and you play it with everyone you meet in life. I think it has become so habitual you don't recognise it as a game.
I think you are playing a game called 'Yes, but...' Look it up in a book called 'Games People Play'
The games goes like this: you present a problem and people offer you solutions. To every solution you fire back with a reason why it won't work.
Instead of grabbing them and really delving into how you can work round those particular reasons, you are using those brush offs till I, or anyone else who might offer suggestions, eventually run out of suggestions and you can through your hands up and say ' see I told you this was too complex to fix'. I win coz you can't fix me.
So what's your payoff for playing this game? By playing it you don't have to take responsibility for your life. You make it other people's responsibility to come up with suggestions, which you reject so you get to stay where you are. It means you don't have to take action, you don't have to experience the initial pains of growth, it means you are not taking 100% responsibility for your life.
So how are you going to react to this post? Are you going to stop playing the game? I think you are going to 'Yes, but' everything I say. I challenge you not to.
You need to think about how YOU are going to turn it around. I'll support you every step of the way but the plans and suggestions have got to come from you. What you are going to Do differently to take responsibility for yourself?
You say life is pointless. It isn't. But Game Playing certainly is pointless.