Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - i need help dealing with a death in my family

leroy7 · 01-20-2007, 10:43 PM

thankyou for your advice, its very helpful. im going to try and look on the optimistic sides you pointed out. My relationship with my brother has gotten stronger because of this but with my mom its just getting worse and worse. my mom tells me im never going to be able to understand her and that we think differently. so nothing i say to try and comfort her helps. i try to talk with her and be there for her but she doesnt let anyone near her. there was a good two weeks that id stop by the house every morning and take her out to breakfast and we talked a little then, but now we dont even talk. she doesnt want anything to do with me or my brother anymore now that my dad is gone. they were going through a divorce this last year in which i picked my dads side. for the longest time it was just me and my dad vs my mom and brother. they never did get divorced because of time but my mom feels guilty for all the fights and all the stress she put on him. i try telling her she didnt do anything wrong. i dont understand how to help her. she will miss him one minute and hate him the next. and its something thats very hard for us to handle is hearing our mom cuss about dad when something like this has happened. it goes the same for me and my brother she wants us there for her then she pushes us away. every one of my moms siblings wants my mom to get help but she refuses to. the way shes going i dont know if she will every be okay again. i dont know what will happen. the worst part is she puts all of this on my brother who loyaly wont leave her side. hes been through more than either of us, he was with my dad when it happened and tried to save him. and my mom tells him more than a mother should tell her child about her problems. shes been doing this to him ever since my parents werent getting along. and it makes him feel like he has to be the one to take care of her when he is the one that needs taken care of. i have thought about going to counceling of some sort but i dont know whats keeping me away. i think there are a lot of things i could do that i know would help myself that i procrastinate doing. thankyou for your input it has helped me alot. im gonna try and do some of what what you suggested.

01-20-2007, 10:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
leroy7 Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 4	thankyou for your advice, its very helpful. im going to try and look on the optimistic sides you pointed out. My relationship with my brother has gotten stronger because of this but with my mom its just getting worse and worse. my mom tells me im never going to be able to understand her and that we think differently. so nothing i say to try and comfort her helps. i try to talk with her and be there for her but she doesnt let anyone near her. there was a good two weeks that id stop by the house every morning and take her out to breakfast and we talked a little then, but now we dont even talk. she doesnt want anything to do with me or my brother anymore now that my dad is gone. they were going through a divorce this last year in which i picked my dads side. for the longest time it was just me and my dad vs my mom and brother. they never did get divorced because of time but my mom feels guilty for all the fights and all the stress she put on him. i try telling her she didnt do anything wrong. i dont understand how to help her. she will miss him one minute and hate him the next. and its something thats very hard for us to handle is hearing our mom cuss about dad when something like this has happened. it goes the same for me and my brother she wants us there for her then she pushes us away. every one of my moms siblings wants my mom to get help but she refuses to. the way shes going i dont know if she will every be okay again. i dont know what will happen. the worst part is she puts all of this on my brother who loyaly wont leave her side. hes been through more than either of us, he was with my dad when it happened and tried to save him. and my mom tells him more than a mother should tell her child about her problems. shes been doing this to him ever since my parents werent getting along. and it makes him feel like he has to be the one to take care of her when he is the one that needs taken care of. i have thought about going to counceling of some sort but i dont know whats keeping me away. i think there are a lot of things i could do that i know would help myself that i procrastinate doing. thankyou for your input it has helped me alot. im gonna try and do some of what what you suggested.