Often when I focus on something I find that the resistance to the change goes up exponentially.
Meditating has been VERY difficult. That is all the more reason for me to cement my commitment. I thank you state for doing this with me.
Today I became aware of something that I had allowed to slip into denial. I am bumping into a powerful block of anxiety. I know axiety - perhaps have suffered from it my whole life. I thought I had gotten over it. What I got over was the type of anxiety that stood in the way of leaving the house, going to social events, answering my phone and similar "normal" activities.
But while those things are no longer such a problem the anxiety does indeed stand in my way of several very important activities. The meditation helped me recognize that.
I feel disappointed in making this realization. I will transform that disappointment into thankfulness. Over the past couple of years I have practised a number of techniques that help overcome severe anxiety that actually exacerbated my heart beat and adrenalyne to the point that I could feel them. This is much more subtle. I overcame the more severe anxiety. I can overcome this.
Though I feel disappointed to be facing anxiety again (in truth it never left only got better) I am thankful that I know several methods to use against it and am thankful that I know what this block is.
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