I am indeed a physician. Depression is insidious and once started cause and effect can easily become confused. Ultimately, depression, in my view, is caused by a complete lack of belief in your ability to overcome a specific obstacle or set of obstacles in your life. Once you become convinced you can't win over these obstacles, the life-condition of depression sets in and all the emotions you've described here in this thread manifest. They are absolutely all as a result
of that primary belief that you can't win. You likely don't even know what the specific obstacles in your life you believe you can't overcome are, and likely won't be able to figure it out with your rational mind (a common experience for people who are depressed is to ruminate over and over and over about the same thoughts and reach the same conclusion, that they are powerless--and rage at themselves for feeling and being so). To break out of this kind of cycle requires you to do something you haven't yet done
, whether it's seek out professional help, medication, meditation, or taking up Buddhism, whose goal is to enable people to overcome their sense of helplessness and hopelessness by discovering and activating their innate power to become happy. A brilliant, happier self absolutely exists as a potential inside this miserably unhappy self you describe in this thread. It begins with action
. And not just any action, but action that truly has the power to help you. Frankly, though I don't know you, from your repeated answers to other commenters here ("yes, but...") you seem to be wallowing in your suffering (of course, that's also a function of being depressed--and I'm saying that from personal as well as professional experience). Don't make the mistake of thinking just because you feel as you do now, and may have felt this way for years, that it is the only legitimate way to feel or that you can feel. You're absolutely right that most people aren't truly happy. But some, including me, are. How do we do it? Do you honestly believe there's something special about us that you don't also have? That our hearts beat in some magical way yours doesn't? If so, that's only your depression and self-hate talking. If I gave you a blood pressure medication, your blood pressure would drop because your physiology is the same as everyone else's. The principles that govern the human mind and spirit also have rules that are universally obeyed, if not as well known. Anti-depressants don't, of course, treat the cause
of depression, but they sure do treat the symptoms well. Do both. You haven't even begun to figure out what fantastic contribution you could make to others because you're so mired in your own depression. Take concrete action to free yourself from these feelings and then look around. Being released from this cycle of negative thinking will feel like a great weight being removed from your shoulders and enable you to view yourself and your place in the world with a much clearer focus.
The very best of luck to you,
AlexL Happiness in this World