Try and kill myself as soon as possible ? :/
Nice try, but that's not an answer to my question.
I've asked you about your deepest dreams and aspirations. You know, those "impossible" things you think you deserve. The goals which, if you only believed them to be realistic, would give your life meaning.
Will killing yourself give your life meaning? No. If you opt out of the game of life now, you'll be doing a big mistake. Because you can win this game. You just have to define what "winning" means to you.