Blackwigger, your head seems like a real mess right now, and it's totally focused on you in every way.
In my opinion, killing yourself is absurd. Instead, have you considered finding someone who is in dire need of someones help? Whether it be a cancer patient, homeless person, elderly person - whoever with whatever problem. Just do yourself the favor of spending one day trying to help another human being in any way you can without any expectation of reward, gratitude, or appreciation. Just do it from a perspective of compelete selfless charity - and then see if your outlook has changed a bit.
It may sound like a crazy idea, but just go do it!