Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - i need help dealing with a death in my family

Michelle · 01-19-2007, 08:58 AM

I am so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like it is time for you to stop pretending everything is okay, when it is not. It sounds like it is time to stop hiding what is going on with you.

Ask yourself: What would Dad say now if he saw me? Would he want me to suffer so? Would he want that for Mom? How would he feel about the present state of the family?

I bet he would wish to visit a family honoring his life, their lives and life in general instead of one rolling around in pain and suffering.

That said, allow yourself time to grieve. You miss your Dad. It is not something which goes away in a day, a month, 6 months or a year. My 80 year old grandfather cried like a baby when his 101 year old mother died. If we are lucky to have good parents, their loss of can really take it's toll. The Dalai Lama once said "Those who have experienced the greatest sadness, are also capable of the greatest joy".

You may need to find someone to talk to. Someone who is outside of your family and outside of your pain. I am a big fan of psychotherapy, but you have to find a good therapist.

Another question: Is this the first time you are confronted with death? With the prospect of your own mortality? If yes, take this as an opportunity to examine your own beliefs concerning life and death, the afterlife, God and the Universe.

Is there a way you can honor your Dad's memory in your life? I think living your life to it's fullest and to the best of your ability is one way. Another way might be doing something for a heart organisation or completing a project your Dad would liked to have seen finished. Use your imagination and creativity to inspire you.

All the best to you!

01-19-2007, 08:58 AM	#2 (permalink)
Michelle Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Hawaii Posts: 1,285	I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like it is time for you to stop pretending everything is okay, when it is not. It sounds like it is time to stop hiding what is going on with you. Ask yourself: What would Dad say now if he saw me? Would he want me to suffer so? Would he want that for Mom? How would he feel about the present state of the family? I bet he would wish to visit a family honoring his life, their lives and life in general instead of one rolling around in pain and suffering. That said, allow yourself time to grieve. You miss your Dad. It is not something which goes away in a day, a month, 6 months or a year. My 80 year old grandfather cried like a baby when his 101 year old mother died. If we are lucky to have good parents, their loss of can really take it's toll. The Dalai Lama once said "Those who have experienced the greatest sadness, are also capable of the greatest joy". You may need to find someone to talk to. Someone who is outside of your family and outside of your pain. I am a big fan of psychotherapy, but you have to find a good therapist. Another question: Is this the first time you are confronted with death? With the prospect of your own mortality? If yes, take this as an opportunity to examine your own beliefs concerning life and death, the afterlife, God and the Universe. Is there a way you can honor your Dad's memory in your life? I think living your life to it's fullest and to the best of your ability is one way. Another way might be doing something for a heart organisation or completing a project your Dad would liked to have seen finished. Use your imagination and creativity to inspire you. All the best to you!