I'm not a master of things like this at all . . . But something I feel is that a good relationship, good connection, things like that . . . They're defined by mutual loving right? Wanting the best for each other, etc. If your focus is on creating the best superficial experience for yourself, that's much different than creating a great and lasting and loving relationship.
For me, it feels like the best way to maintain my "relationship" is to let go. To accept the fact that I can be happy without this person and I'm grateful for what we've had. When I focus on how complete I feel in myself, suddenly he responds to that and tells me much sweeter and loving things than I've ever heard him say before.
Plus it's just nice because I used to cling to this person because I felt like he was completing me, and that if I lost him, I'd lose part of myself. But now I realize I'm complete in myself, and he's just some delicious icing on the cake. It makes me truly happy to know that I'm in a position to SINCERELY and COMPLETELY appreciate him for what he is independently of me. That's a much deeper connection than what we've had these years we've known each other previously.
I'm a little confused though as well because I think I'm pretty young in my life, and I'm not quite sure what I want. So I'm not speaking as someone who has happily discovered the man of her dreams- I just know I'm involved with the right man for now who can maintain a fluid relationship with me to match my currently very fluid life, heh.
Also, it's kind of a balancing act to manage selflessness with self-respect (particulary since I've historically had quite a bit of insecurity, I think.)
I don't know if any of this is helpful directly, but maybe there's something useful for you in there, heh.