Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Subjective Reality and the Battle of the Intentions, mixed

Zas · 04-14-2009, 10:08 PM

As far as the cheating thing . . . I'm kind of thinking it's a partnered event. I mean, studies lately point to the idea that cheating stems more from unhappiness than horniness. I had a sort of related situation recently with a man and we've both come to see where our actions contributed to the problem. I had sort of been expecting him to be an unfaithful person far before he actually became that person. He hadn't been acknowledging the impact his actions would have on others.

It seems like two people can just as easily be contributing to a problem. I think the responsibility comes with awareness. It's not really a "fault" matter.

Something else interesting I've noticed is a couple female friends in my life who are consistently being cheated on. And, I mean, the first time you hear about it, you feel sorry. But then after awhile you start noticing that EVERY single man they get involved with has some problem like this. (The good ones who do come into their lives they tend to label as boring and focus on talking about them as inefficient and understimulating.) I dunno. I still feel sorry for these people I see in my life because they can't see their patterns. Even when some guy has a perfect dating history, and then he ends up with you and cheats, then you separate and he goes on to have more excellent romance . . . I don't know. Maybe people just get drawn to each other? It doesn't seem like anything is very clear as far where things start and end. And I can't really feel too sorry for some people because I think that when they're ready to get out of it, the resources will be there. (That's how my life seems to be. I know I've got all this crazy stuff I'm exploring on my own, heh. And that I've been through some colder and darker places but I treasure them very deeply because I wouldn't be able to know such good now, you know?)

It really starts to seem like people are just smaller cells of something larger which are so connected you can't really say "This part is his influence. This part is my influence." It's more like, "this is what we've created."

04-14-2009, 10:08 PM	#5 (permalink)
Zas Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 295	As far as the cheating thing . . . I'm kind of thinking it's a partnered event. I mean, studies lately point to the idea that cheating stems more from unhappiness than horniness. I had a sort of related situation recently with a man and we've both come to see where our actions contributed to the problem. I had sort of been expecting him to be an unfaithful person far before he actually became that person. He hadn't been acknowledging the impact his actions would have on others. It seems like two people can just as easily be contributing to a problem. I think the responsibility comes with awareness. It's not really a "fault" matter. Something else interesting I've noticed is a couple female friends in my life who are consistently being cheated on. And, I mean, the first time you hear about it, you feel sorry. But then after awhile you start noticing that EVERY single man they get involved with has some problem like this. (The good ones who do come into their lives they tend to label as boring and focus on talking about them as inefficient and understimulating.) I dunno. I still feel sorry for these people I see in my life because they can't see their patterns. Even when some guy has a perfect dating history, and then he ends up with you and cheats, then you separate and he goes on to have more excellent romance . . . I don't know. Maybe people just get drawn to each other? It doesn't seem like anything is very clear as far where things start and end. And I can't really feel too sorry for some people because I think that when they're ready to get out of it, the resources will be there. (That's how my life seems to be. I know I've got all this crazy stuff I'm exploring on my own, heh. And that I've been through some colder and darker places but I treasure them very deeply because I wouldn't be able to know such good now, you know?) It really starts to seem like people are just smaller cells of something larger which are so connected you can't really say "This part is his influence. This part is my influence." It's more like, "this is what we've created."