Interesting enough Steve'e current blog addressed what I am experiencing EXACTLY.
I also read the blog that someone posted about bad moods.
I really appreciate how supportive and nice everyone was. I was really mad at myself for even feeling this way. I felt I should know better but it was hard to get out of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angela  So, what are you willing to do about it? Are you willing to take on 100% responsibility? Or would you prefer to continue living at the effect of forces outside yourself? |
This is my intention. The problem arises for me when I can not see HOW to take responsibility, I realize this is probably a block but it is my intention to take 100% responsibility for my life.
Its easier to do with things like work, my health, even my living situation and finances. However its much harder to do with things in which I feel I have no control over. Right now my boyfriend who is a police officer is going through some major life stuff mostly due to work, although he would deny it. He is trying hard to work on himself and to "get better", so we can move forward in our relationship. He has MAJOR ups and downs, some of his downs I am strong but sometimes and they DO get to me. I want to see how I am causing this BOY do I want to see how I am responsible for this in my life. Instead I feel my choices are to stand by him or to walk away (which I am not going to do that and I WILL take responsibility for, I don't "bail" on people just because times get hard). I won't get into too much detail as he wouldn't be pleased but his "mindset" takes over him at times and he becomes depressed. I have done everything I possible can, offer him help, tell him to get help, ask him to exercise, give him books, leave him alone, just love him, etc.. And yes once in a while it gets so hard that it effects the way I see my life. That is the "why can't things just work out sometimes?"
So other than taking responsibility for my choice of standing by him, how else can I see that I have created this into my life.
There are other examples with family, my son's father who has disappeared on his son ( I have been a single mom and have done it all by myself, financially and physically since he was 4, he is now 11 but the recent years his dad has decided to stop calling and visiting, they were close), etc...
I guess when it involves other people I just have a hard time seeing how I can take responsibility for it, but I do want to and am very open to any recommendations and advice.
I guess I could start with the other stuff and get my a** a job that is more satisfying or start my own business. Maybe this is where I need to focus, on the things I change right now.