Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

James81 · 04-14-2009, 01:21 PM

First of all, you need to read Steve's latest blog post. It's about this very subject. You might find something you need in there.

Secondly, it sounds to me like you need to learn how to set boundaries. Yeah, it's one thing to be a good person and be helpful to those around you....TO A POINT. At some point you just have to say NO. It's ok to say no, it's not selfish to get the things you want. You are not a doormat, you don't have to be strong for everybody. Just you...and then your son. Everybody else can learn to deal with their ♥♥♥♥♥ on their own.

Finally, it's ok to get discouraged once in a while. It's ok to fail. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself. The most damaging thing about self help and personal development is that nobody ever allows you to feel the negative feelings. You are expected to have magnificent attitudes, a perfect life, perfect body, money coming out your yin yang. Look, there's nothing wrong with a little self pity. There's nothing wrong with crying and feeling sorry for yourself once in a while. There's nothing wrong with feeling anger. There's nothing wrong with failing, with setbacks, etc.

These are all things that you, as a human being MUST experience from time to time so that you can appreciate the good times. The problem comes in when these negative attitudes are CHRONIC (or constant with no change).

But I'll assert that it's just as damaging to have chronic happiness as it is to have chronic deperession. So don't beat yourself up for feeling down on yourself. Just pick yourself up tomorrow and take another step. Have a game plan for your life, but don't make it so rigid that you can't ENJOY life now. Contentment is one of the most important things that someone improving themselves should embrace.

But that's the nature of life. It throws us curveballs. It throws us bad stuff. And our job is to deal with it, process it, experience it, and then move beyond it. It's a series of mountains and valleys. We can enjoy the mountaintop, when everything feels great. And we can even enjoy the valley when everything is falling apart. For it's in THOSE times that you are the strongest. It's these challenges that forge in us the strength we need to carry on. It's these low times that define our character, makes us vulnerable, and allow us to be at our most....well....human.

04-14-2009, 01:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
James81 Banned Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,690	First of all, you need to read Steve's latest blog post. It's about this very subject. You might find something you need in there. Secondly, it sounds to me like you need to learn how to set boundaries. Yeah, it's one thing to be a good person and be helpful to those around you....TO A POINT. At some point you just have to say NO. It's ok to say no, it's not selfish to get the things you want. You are not a doormat, you don't have to be strong for everybody. Just you...and then your son. Everybody else can learn to deal with their ♥♥♥♥♥ on their own. Finally, it's ok to get discouraged once in a while. It's ok to fail. It's ok to feel sorry for yourself. The most damaging thing about self help and personal development is that nobody ever allows you to feel the negative feelings. You are expected to have magnificent attitudes, a perfect life, perfect body, money coming out your yin yang. Look, there's nothing wrong with a little self pity. There's nothing wrong with crying and feeling sorry for yourself once in a while. There's nothing wrong with feeling anger. There's nothing wrong with failing, with setbacks, etc. These are all things that you, as a human being MUST experience from time to time so that you can appreciate the good times. The problem comes in when these negative attitudes are CHRONIC (or constant with no change). But I'll assert that it's just as damaging to have chronic happiness as it is to have chronic deperession. So don't beat yourself up for feeling down on yourself. Just pick yourself up tomorrow and take another step. Have a game plan for your life, but don't make it so rigid that you can't ENJOY life now. Contentment is one of the most important things that someone improving themselves should embrace. But that's the nature of life. It throws us curveballs. It throws us bad stuff. And our job is to deal with it, process it, experience it, and then move beyond it. It's a series of mountains and valleys. We can enjoy the mountaintop, when everything feels great. And we can even enjoy the valley when everything is falling apart. For it's in THOSE times that you are the strongest. It's these challenges that forge in us the strength we need to carry on. It's these low times that define our character, makes us vulnerable, and allow us to be at our most....well....human.